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Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy Kholi . May I have your…”
Customer: “Hello, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your Unique ID Number, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s eh…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610″
Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr Singh.. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Where would you want your order to be delivered sir? Home, office or the parking of Spencer Shopping Mall on Anna Salai formerly known as Mount Road from where you are right now calling us using your mobile?
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokkien Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up…. Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs 2249.99″
Customer: “Can I pay by! credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs10,720.55 since October last year.
That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 30 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter.. .”
Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter,…registration number USE 8999…”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic…. …”
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registeration number UTD 4267…….
Customer: May I know the number of Mr. Nandan Nilekani? We have got more than our parents bargained for!
(e-mail doing the rounds, received many over the last month, the last one from Smruti Koppikar in light of this week's poll sutra)
And alking of abusive language, why am I reminded of the viral Pakistani Mobilink MP3 file doing the rounds many years back?