Fatigue, loneliness and stress took their toll on Saira.
As a young woman, she felt herself slowly unravelling.
But understanding anxiety helped her heal, slowly.
Saira was already in college when her family left Pakistan. So she had to seek readmission. When she decided to move to Srinagar for further education, she confronted challenges on two fronts. One, she had this sense of responsibility that she carried on her shoulders—juggling with studies. Two, she lived in a city where she had no friends, no acquaintances, and this loneliness was slowly creeping inside her.
Her mental health started crumbling during her college days, where she experienced panic attacks for the first time. “Initially, I started therapy sessions with some medication, which helped me for a while. However, I would often stop taking the medication whenever I used to feel slightly better,” she says. Over a period of time, these attacks became more frequent, leaving her uncomfortable, and she did not want people to see her in that condition.
As her job was unstable, it was also taking a toll on her mental health. The sudden passing away of her mother in 2023 shattered her completely. “I felt like my life had ended,” says Saira.
“It was only the friends I had made over the past 2-3 years who welcomed me with their warm hearts; spent time with me; and even invited me to their homes. They made me feel comfortable and less lonely.”
After years of coping with her reality, Saira continues to navigate her mental health with caution and care. She has understood her anxiety issues better than ever. Her patience and understanding have made her see the world a little differently. Through her personal endurance, she has shaped herself into a resilient person and continues to move forward to rebuild not only her life in Kashmir, but to discover herself.
In its August 21 issue, Outlook collaborated with The Banyan India to take a hard look at the community and care provided to those with mental health disorders in India. From the inmates in mental health facilities across India—Ranchi to Lucknow—to the mental health impact of conflict journalism, to the chronic stress caused by the caste system, our reporters and columnists shed light on and questioned the stigma weighing down the vulnerable communities where mental health disorders are prevalent.
This copy appeared in print as "I Would Get Nervous And Suffocate".
