Prime Pretenders

They say Delhi is a city of contradictions but since half the people in Delhi’sso-called celeb circuit can barely spell the word it really doesn’t matter if youconfuse contradictions with cocktails which is exactly what Delhi was in 2001.

The year began with a bang. Amar Singh had his famous birthday bash spread over twodays and two venues with approximately the same sprinkling of his brothers (read AnilAmbani, Amitabh Bachchan, Subrato Roy), also known as the holy troika considering thenumber of pilgrimages they take together. The affair was grand and though Singh did make agenerous contribution to the Gujarat Relief Fund, the honour of the Pretender Party mustgo to his: everyone who was there was there because he wanted them there. The relief bithappened because the earthquake did!

Close on the heels of this much-talked-about party came the news that some kind soulsin the government were caught on camera taking money and so it was that Honest PretenderGeorge Fernandes was ejected from the Cabinet and a Commission of Inquiry appointed whichtill this very day toils over finding out the truth but which like all commissions willkeep getting extensions till everyone forgets its raison d’etre. But where Delhi isconcerned, the Honest Pretender badge was worn with equal aplomb by renowned governmentservants like B.P. Verma and Someshwar Mishra not to mention the Honest PowerBroker-cum-Industrialist, Ashok Chaturvedi.

Pretender Broadcaster Sushma Swaraj continued to wear her Bharatiyata on her ratherlarge bindi and ensured DD went even further down the chute. She was best being PretenderFilm Distributor by organising at the government-owned Mahadev auditorium films—from Asoka(Pretender Art Film of the Year) to Kabhi Khushi whatever to Monsoon Wedding.

But then if it’s Delhi, can pretension be far behind? No less than 712 PretenderDesigners were added to Delhi’s fashfrat which is why Karol Bagh will now be thefashion mecca.

We continued to have our share of Pretender Activists like Arundhati Roy. We did haveall those silent marches for gay men and marches on Kargil Day and marches for sexworkers; I’ve always thought India has more activists than causes.
Towards the year-end, we had Pretender Filmmaker Mira Nair unleash a shaadi video and wesilently applauded since all the goras in Venice had done so. Thus, Monsoon Weddingbecame the film of the year even as Subbirami Reddy threw yet anotherPretender-I-know-all-the-government-secys bash for the winners of the National FilmAwards. It is another matter that all these winners are out of work today.

But the honours for the year will be incomplete sans mention of Beverage Pretenders(read coke addicts). We suddenly saw them on Page 1 instead of Page 3 and voila theydisappeared only to return in time for the party season.

We also had our fair share of Pretender Charities (where the money was never to beseen) as we did Pretender Iftars: yes, the same parties which in the name of religion aremeant to spread hatred. We also had Pretender Salvation Artists such as Sri Sri RaviShankar (and I am not referring to the sitarist) who suddenly appeared on the cover of anEnglish weekly only to tell us to love our neighbours. Doesn’t he realise it’spasse to do so in Delhi!

As I write, we’re gearing up for Pretender Christmas and Pretender Millenniumparties. I say millennium only because there are many I know who haven’t woken up toeven basic realities! Wish one could pretend 2001 never happened!