Ready

There are films that’re so bad they turn out to be quite good—all for poking fun at. But this one is impossibly bad.

Namrata Joshi

Updated on: 7 February 2024 5:39 pm

Ready

Starring: Salman Khan, Asin, Paresh Rawal
Directed by Anees Bazmee
Rating: *

You don’t need to see Ready to ascertain that it’s a critic-proof film. There’s nothing unusual in it amassing a record opening either. Didn’t we all see that coming with the first beat of Dhinka Chika, the uber popular pelvic-thrust song? But despite such signals, I was unprepared for the unadulterated gunk I had to wade through on the screen.

There are films that’re so bad they turn out to be quite good—all for poking fun at. Ready is not one. It’s impossibly bad. In principle, it can’t qualify as a film at all, it is merely a vehicle for Salman Khan, who rides it rough-shod. I am a star. So anything goes, he must think. His promise of reinvention in Dabangg comes totally undone. He struts around with alarming complacency and galling smugness. The routine is the same walk in slo-mo, dance, romance, show some swagger, crack jokes, land a few punches and, of course, take the shirt off. Only, the 40-plus, bulky body has become a bore, the swagger desperate and the jokes terribly unfunny. We all grow and evolve, but Salman still plays a spoilt brat, Prem. Once endearing, but plain irritating now. To top it off, he even asks: “Mazaa aaya kya?” Certainly not.

With Salman in practically every frame, the writer and director decide to go on leave. The rest of the cast (Paresh Rawal included), why even the story and plot, become mere props at Sallubhai’s altar. Not that one was looking for logic or coherence in this tale of love, warring families, inheritance and charades. But the South-to-North transplanted formula reeks of staleness. It’s a tasteless khichdi with the masalas gone hopelessly wrong. The gimmicks, gags, colours, characters and dialogues are loud and crass and if ever there are any awards for innuendoes, Ready would bag them.

My notepad was filled with radical, new lingo: dogs-n-bitches lines, terms like khurrat, kamini, honhaar, a pun on family support and deport, subtle remarks like “aaj pehli baar kisi aurat ne samajhdari ki baat ki hai”, a racist take on dark skin and “nazar utaarna” and the punchline: “Main zindagi mein teen cheez kabhi underestimate nahin karta: I, Me, Myself.” But Salman does overestimate his star persona. This arrogance does have its flip side.

High Fives

Bollywood