To visualise the future in these fast changing times is a trifle pretentious. Where will India be ten years on? And what trends will emerge? Answers to such questions will be nothing more than guesswork. Nevertheless, here is my humble take on the shape of things to come when India turns 73 in 2020. Of course, any resemblance to events that actually unfold in the future is purely coincidental. So here goes:
In all likelihood the cellphone revolution which began in the ’90s will gather further momentum. Mobiles with several value additions will make the instrument virtually indispensable. Among other things, the cellphone of 2020 will have a shaver, massager, hair-dryer, tweezer, lawn-mower, nail-clipper and an encyclopaedia on insect behaviour in the time of shortages. And at the touch of a key your cell will play you lullabies to help you sleep, or, alternatively, a scratchy recording of government of India gazette notifications read in slow motion.
But wait, it’s not just that. To widen user base, an Indian telecom major (makers of Himalayaberry) will not only provide mobiles free of cost but also cash rewards (Rs 500) for choosing their instrument/network. Also, owners of Himlayaberry will be given special training in sending smoke signals. Reason: this skill is handy in the event of network failure. Anyway, that aside, such corporate social responsibility will finally ensure that every Indian has a cellphone although he may not have enough to eat. But what the hell! When you are hungry, you can at least call others who are also forced to skip their supper.
Also, public transport in most towns and cities of the future will be a giant carousel with seats. Developed by a mad genius (who earlier invented a rearview mirror for pedestrians to monitor those walking behind them), the new form of transportation will win him the Nobel prize and a holiday in the Bahamas (free breakfast included). That aside, how do you actually commute from A to B? Just hop on to the carousel and you are off at 5 kmph. The downside: brisk walking can get you to your destination much quicker. However, given that humans are by nature lazy, we run the risk of becoming conveyor belt-dependent.
By 2020 people are likely to become even more lonely and alienated due to lack of inter-personal communication. Which is why telemarketing agencies will set up ‘Talk’ kiosks in major cities. So, should you feel like chatting, you can do that with the man/woman/child manning the kiosks. You can actually give an earful or take an earful for Rs 100. Discuss cricket, politics, Ram Gopal Varma films (we know he will never give up) or the price of ginger in Oklahoma in the comfort of the air-conditioned booth. These ‘chat’ stops will also serve chaat and samosas for those who like to talk while they eat.
As for politics, the government (with the help of an expert team from Fifa) will introduce stoppage time in Parliament. Any disruptions/walkouts will be timed by the Speaker and the wasted hours/days added to the session to ensure no time is lost. This is likely to shorten the holidays between sessions. Which in turn will mean truncated summer vacations to Europe and the US for our MPs.
And cricket of the future? Well, with Team India’s sustained poor performance and falling TRP ratings, sports channels will conclude that live coverage does not pay. So taking inspiration from Lagaan, cricketers will be made to act out one-day internationals and T20 matches. And since the script is tailored for an Indian victory, it will pump national pride and boost ad revenue.
With private universities mushrooming all over the country, what else can we expect but a surge of new studies/discoveries. Sample these findings from Abstract University, Apshinhe village, Satara district, Maharashtra: ‘The Earth can’t communicate with the sun because of lack of cellular connectivity’; ‘creatures of the deep have no access to scriptures’ and ‘neither the bjp nor the Congress can win elections in Puerto Rico’.
And, finally what about Outlook’s last page in the Independence Day special of 2020? Well, I guess some poor sod will be giving his non-gyan: his take on India at 83....
