Bull's Eye

The Kashmir dispute will never be resolved because bothIndia and Pakistan have hidden agendas. Unless a frank discussion takes place on thehidden agendas no agreement will be reached. Pakistan says we must settle Kashmir first,only then we will have peace. India says let us have peace first, a Kashmir settlementwill follow.

Pakistan says in any talks with India on Kashmir, Pakistanwill represent the Kashmiri people. According to this the question of Kashmir'sfuture is already settled. It belongs to Pakistan. What remains is Pakistan's hiddenagenda for India's future. According to this hidden agenda, once Kashmir becomes partof Pakistan, the two-nation theory will be vindicated. It will give rise to thethree-nation theory, the four-nation theory, and so on. After India breaks up into a dozensmall countries, Pakistan will emerge as the largest nation in the subcontinent. That willlead to permanent peace...

India's hidden agenda is somewhat different. Indiafirst wants trade, cultural exchanges and normalcy. After that the Kashmir dispute willautomatically disappear. This will happen because of India's hidden agenda. Accordingto the hidden agenda once trade, cultural ties and freedom to travel between the twocountries develop, a major change will occur. Consider the exciting prospects.

Let's start with trade. India could begin by exportingmustard oil to Pakistan. Imagine all the Pakistanis, specially their army jawanspatrolling the border, eating pakoras cooked in that mustard oil. Thud, thud, thud,Pakistani soldiers will drop and roll on the ground, afflicted with dropsy. After that howwill they attack Kashmir?

When thousands of Pakistani visitors come to India theywill take back with them the dengue fever. Buses going into Pakistan will be buzzing withdengue mosquitoes. Millions of Pakistanis will shiver at night with dengue malaria. Willthey even think of annexing Kashmir?

With freedom of movement our politicians will visitPakistan-occupied Kashmir and deliver long speeches. The listeners will either die fromboredom or flee for their lives. They will leave us sole masters of Kashmir...

Kashmir also has a hidden agenda. Kashmirsays, "Listen, we too would like to say something..."

"Shut up!" India and Pakistan yelltogether. "Can't you see we're having bilateral talks—no third-partymeddling allowed...!"

 Whichever side I turn and stare,
The Kashmiri ghost is everywhere!
"I hate ghosts, so scram," I say.
 "No," he says. "You're the ghost, I'll stay."