- With no sexual chemistry to interfere, the relationship is relaxed, open, communicative
- Are safe escorts for late-night parties, events, help in keeping predatory males away
- Love fashion, shopping, art shows, gossip-all things that bore husbands and boyfriends
- Sensitive to a woman's emotional needs; offer support without being judgemental
- Unlike women friends who can be jealous, aren't competitive or catty. Hence, can give honest advice on everything from what clothes to buy to how to cope with boyfriend problems.
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Easy going: DU undergrad Kriti with her best buddy Daniel
But these relationships go far deeper than Will and Grace (the popular American sitcom where Grace, a straight Jewish woman, has Will, a gay lawyer, as a best friend) baring the secrets of their souls, or Rupert Everett and Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. Observes Advaita Kala, author of the chick-lit novel Almost Single: "Gay men have learnt to accept prejudice in society and deal with it, and because they're relaxed about who they are, they're comfortable in their relationships with others. These are attitudes I really value."
Bangalore-based photographer Roy Sinai points out that women and gay men have been historic and natural allies in the fight against prejudice, discrimination and social injustice since the '60s. And now there's also a growing body of scientific evidence which gives the close relationship between heterosexual women and gay men biological backing. In June this year, a study conducted by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm showed that the brains of gay men had a remarkable resemblance to those of heterosexual women, especially in areas dealing with language and emotion.
Delhi-based puppeteer Varun Narain, who came out a few years ago when he was in his early 20s, would agree. "I feel a deep sense of closeness with my women friends, possibly because we're both looking at several issues through the same emotional eyeglasses. There's a lot of common ground we share—painful relationships, heartbreak, being jilted—that I don't have with a lot of my straight men friends."
Queenie Dhody and Mugdha Godse are among the many women who wax lyrical about their gay men friends having "great taste", being "great shopping partners" and "fabulous company". But, Mumbai-based lawyer Alok feels it's equally important to puncture the stereotype. There are many gay men, he points out, who have deep, close friendships with straight men as well. "Often, gay men tend to get caricaturised as hot urban accessories, someone you can tote around like your designer handbag, and call at the drop of a hat when you've got no one else to take you to a party or a play. A lot of women assume that because you're gay, you will make a great friend, and this is just not true. There are plenty of gay men who aren't uber-trendy and who don't like to shop!" he exclaims exasperatedly.
Rahul, a professor of international relations from Bangalore, observes that there is also a certain kind of gay man who is quite a misogynist, has no female friends, lives in an entirely male world and wants to have nothing to do with women.
Parmesh Shahani, author of the book Gay Bombay, and editorial director, Verve magazine, dismisses all stereotypes about gays and their relationships with women. He comments: "There's a cultural revolution taking place through friendships, where friends have become the new family, and people are choosing friends regardless of their sexual preference." Perhaps. But ask the big city girl. Boyfriends may come and boyfriends may go; girlfriends may be here today, married tomorrow, but her gay friend is forever.
