Trinetra Haldar On Gender Transition, Non-Consensual Violent Experiences, Representation Of The LGBTQIA+ Community On Screen And More

Before 'Made In Heaven', people didn't know much about Dr Trinetra Haldar Gummaraju. But today, she has become a popular face. Trinetra is not only the first known Trans doctor of Karnataka who came out, she is also an activist representing the LGBTQIA+ community and an artist. Recently, the 26-year-old featured in Jaydeep Sarkar's docu-series 'Rainbow Rishta' where she was unafraid to pour her heart out. Trinetra was unapologetically herself on the show. 

Post the release of 'Rainbow Rishta', Garima Das of Outlook India had a Zoom conversation with Trinetra where she spoke at length about her journey of transitioning, her gender-reaffirming journey, representation of the LGBTQIA+ community on screen and OTTs and a lot more. 

Here are the excerpts from the interview:

Take us back to your journey of transitioning, your coming out and your parents' reaction to it.

Nobody's transition is ever easy no matter what background you come from. It's always complicated. Even if you are a cis woman or any Indian woman's relationship with your family is complicated. There are things about your family that you love, and there is a lot of comfort in coming back home but at the same time, it's complicated. There are things about you and your life that your family may never understand. The thing is we as children tend to idolise our parents and put them on a pedestal in a certain way and they are our heroes. But as we become adults, we realise that our family is very much flawed and they are all human beings at the end of the day. They had also done the best they could at that time. They are also not perfect.

When I came out saying that I like boys, they didn't take it very well. There were hurtful things that were said, It took many years to stop blaming each other. My father for example would tell my mom that she had made me become soft, so, that's why I am like this. My mother would tell my father 'overbearing'. I think parents have not been told that it's not your fault that your child is queer and at the end of the day you have to allow your child to be themselves and whatever way possible instead of trying to change them like this. That is a process that takes any Indian parent a lot of time. 

I am fortunate enough that they took me to doctors. I remember I was 10 or 11 years old, and my parents took to me a psychiatrist because I told my mom that I like wearing girls' clothes. The first instinct of Indian parents is to go and see a doctor. People think it's a disease and even the medical community for a long time thought that. There was a time when homosexuality was included in the diagnostic manual of mental disorders. Until 2018-19, transgender identity was included as a mental disorder in the international classification of diseases. Doctors have also learned and changed over time because at the end of the day whatever prejudice is there in the society, it will be visible in any community. Doctor is not a noble profession where there is no flaw. That's impossible. Because it's run by human beings and not Gods.

That psychiatrist told my father to spend more time with me but after meeting more qualified professionals my parents also realised that maybe they needed to learn. They also understood that if they support me then I will be able to achieve whatever I want. But of course, there will always be a little bit of hurt that they didn't support me and there will always be a lack of understanding when it comes to my love life. They won't be on the same page 100 percent in everything you do. 

Are your parents worried about your future? Do they insist you find someone or settle down? What's your relationship status currently?

Everybody had their relationships. They come and go. I am 26 and young. I know it takes time to find the right person and I am very happy taking the time from my side. There is no pressure from my family to settle down or anything.

When my parents' friends came to congratulate them for my work in Made In Heaven, I think they also realised that I am doing something right. Those who used to make fun of me, what did they achieve? When my parents see that, they also get some reassurance that I am doing my thing. 

How is the industry in accepting the community? Have you seen change?

I would say that acceptance is starting to come in small pockets and bubbles here and there. I wouldn't say that it's completely changing the whole landscape of the industry. I think influencer marketing is becoming a big thing and so is social media. A lot of people who have talent from the community have started to come forth which was impossible a few years back. Because when it comes to stardom and opportunities, it was restricted to a select few circles which were Bollywood-centric. I think as time has passed people from diverse communities have started to get a voice, especially through platforms like OTT. The stories that are told on OTT, are not possible in Bollywood on the big screen at least right now. OTT has opened up a lot of space for queer and transgender people to come forth and show who they are and their talent. But again it's restricted to specific production houses. For example, Tiger Baby and Excel Entertainment are very progressive. 

Because of OTT platforms, we have 'Rainbow Rishta' today. Back in 5-10 years ago, it was extremely difficult to imagine that six different stories of queer love would be featured on Amazon Prime Video. That was unimaginable. It's beautiful to see a poster with all our faces on it. Change is happening but it's happening very slowly.

In 'Made In Heaven', there was a scene when your character Meher was thrown out of the car by a guy. It was really traumatic for her. In 'Rainbow Rishta', you opened up about some bad experiences in your dating life. Does it take a toll on mental health?

Of course. There have been experiences which were similar to Meher and far worse. Of course, it's difficult to deal with. I tried not to go into more details on the show and won't go into details now either. There have been so many non-consensual violent experiences that we have to deal with. I was in a boys' hostel for two years when I was in college. I was ragged and sexually harassed in the boys' hostel a lot. I had to eventually file a complaint and that person was suspended. I moved out into an apartment post the incident. 

I am happy that I have a support system to some extent and now of course I can access things like therapy and all of that. Unfortunately, the rest of the community doesn't necessarily have access to these things. I am very aware of how much privilege I have in that sense. But I don't want to dwell on the negative experiences. I want to grow from them. The best answer to anything and anybody who has made you feel small and violated is to be successful and show them where you are.