After going through Sushma Swaraj’s interview in Outlook magazine, strange thoughts have been passing through my mind. She said some very critical things about me which was totally uncalled for. So do I pay her back in the same coin? Well, I thought about it carefully and recalled a piece of advice given to me years ago by a very senior advocate—the honourable Mr Parameswaran—who was incidentally Erle Stanley Gardner’s inspiration when he created Perry Mason, the ace criminal lawyer. Now Mr Parameswaran had told me (and just before I went for a Delhi University debate), “Arun beta, whatever you do, always refer to your opponents as ‘esteemed and honourable’. And that too in a pleasant tone. That will make them down their guard.” The advice has worked wonders during my student days as well as in my political career.
You may wonder why I suddenly remembered Mr Parameswaran? Well, you see, my mind was wracked by the question: in my lexicon should Sushmaji be categorised as an opponent? Certainly not. But she is an esteemed, honourable colleague. With such thoughts going through my mind, I paced up and down my drawing room—and then suddenly the Shakespeare thing happened. I strangely found the words pouring forth in a burst of powerful emotions. So, without much ado, let me put the speech I delivered extempore (with the sofas and tables as my audience) on paper.
“Friends, Rambhakts, partymen, lend me your ears; I’m not here to criticise Sushmaji, but to praise her. The interviews that she gives will, I’m sure, live after her. The good is oft interred in parliamentary records. Now, many there may be those who say Sushmaji is ambitious. Though this is said by men who are not so honourable and do not understand the real Sushmaji. Why, thrice did the Bellary brothers present her with a few mines, and thrice did she refuse (opting for a laddoo instead!): was this ambition? When BJP chief Nitin Gadkari sang Manna Dey’s Zindagi kaisi yeh paheli hai at the Indore convention, Sushmaji hummed along. Ambition should be made of sterner stuff. And when the honourable Yeddy was in distress, she gave him a teddy to play with and a few MLAs to see him through the trust vote. Do you call that ambitious? And today I speak not to disprove what she said in her interview. But here I speak what I do know. And I do know that she is an honourable leader of the Opposition. We all respected Sushmaji once, and not without cause. What cause then withholds us from saying she is honourable? Why, the Reddy brothers doth call her their godmother and godmother she is. Therein lies a message: when men have lost their reason and judgement fled to brutish beasts, then it’s time for all men to think twice before pronouncing someone honourable. And honourable she is—Sushmaji. There, I, I rest my case....”
I must admit I was quite pleased with my effort (although the sofa didn’t seem too impressed). I felt I had vented my anger of the last few days with that outburst. What the hell! Arun Jaitley does not want be an honourable man....
(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)
