The Peeculiar Corona Ark

The all-in-one cure for everything incurable—like Covid or cancer (of cells, but largely the infected gooey grey matter above)—is the processed fluid of a holy cow’s kidneys and urinary ­system. That’s cow urine to you, but don’t make the mistake of calling it waste matter because there are abundant people swearing by the miraculous therapeutic wonders of the gau mata’s bodily discharges. And cow urine never had it so good until the coronavirus took charge of human affairs—both life and death. Shamans prescribing dunk-and-drink cow urine remedies are ­having a field day on all platforms we have our eyes and ears on: WhatsApp, YouTube, official press statements, you name it. One such advocate of this bovine remedy is Pragya Singh Thakur, the BJP’s Lok Sabha MP ­representing Bhopal. She prescribes the gau mutra cure for Covid with clear and precise instructions.

The self-proclaimed Sadhvi told a gathering in Bhopal’s Bairagarh that the real deal is gau mutra ark (cow urine extract and not just cow urine—for queries about the difference, contact Thakur’s office) and it’ll be effective only if it’s from a desi cow with pure Indian roots—sorry, the Jerseys won’t do. While the efficacy of Covid vaccines may still be under question, Thakur’s prescription came with an efficiency certificate, validated by god himself. “I take gau mutra ark every day.… I am not affected by coronavirus. God will protect me as I am using gau mutra ark.”

Ordinary Bhopalis, who elected Thakur to the Lok Sabha with a massive lead of over 3.5 lakh votes against Congress veteran Digvijaya Singh, are still a conflicted lot. While Thakur waxed eloquent about the benefits of cow urine, it turns out that the entire staff at her official residence in Bhopal had tested positive for the coronavirus; some members even required hospitalisation. Didn’t Thakur, who takes pride in being a sanyasin, share her deep medical ­insights about a cure for Covid with those who work for her? And if she did, why didn’t they heed her advice?

There’s another grouse that Bhopalis have with Thakur. The state capital has been battling a worsening Covid outbreak since April. It has over 9,000 active cases currently. However, Thakur’s appearances in Bhopal have been rare since the first lockdown last year. During the first wave, the local BJP defended her ­absence, saying she was “undergoing treatment for cancer at AIIMS in Delhi” (curiously, she had previously claimed that her cancer was in ­remission and gau mutra had a role there too). This time around, she made a fleeting visit to the BJP’s state HQ on March 2 and reappeared only 70 days later—this month for a ­photo-op to distribute masks and ­vapouriser machines, and then to share the gau mutra ark remedy.