For Vieshakha L Dutta, a senior professional from Bangalore who works with India communities for mothers, single parents, LGBTQI community and single women, troubles mounted after the nationwide coronavirus lockdown -- legal proceedings of her divorce have come to a standstill.
Dutta says, “Personally I have an acrimonious divorce for the last five years. My son who stayed with me for years since my separation started staying with his father due to an interim custody order which was valid till March 2020. His weekend visits to my place were unpredictably conducted by my ex-husband. But due to the lockdown, I haven't met my son in last one and a half months. In this period, I have spoken to him briefly five to six times and I have hardly seen him on a video call.”
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Three weeks ago, Dutta wanted to cook some food for her son and send it over through a food parcel service. “I received four really nasty, threatening emails in return. This is not a very uncommon scenario in contested divorce and custody cases. People like my ex-husband are taking an advantage of this situation where the courts are closed, and the attention of governing authorities is diverted. There is very little I can do, and I feel helpless as I grieve and miss my son,” she says.
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The legal system has come to a standstill and the cases that were being vehemently pushed for closure are simply being shelved. “I have been wondering why the legal system doesn't allow people to also work from home and do things virtually, at least in cases where it can be done,” says Dutta.
Many single parents contesting divorce and custody are feeling helpless due to the lockdown.
Most of us, at this stage of our lives, are also responsible for taking care of our elders. “My aged mother, who is widowed, fell sick twice during the lockdown. But given the current situation, I was in a dilemma if I should take her to the hospital,” adds Dutta. Thankfully, she recovered with care, but each episode took two weeks for recovery. She has been showing signs of depression and dementia with old age and these signs aggravated due to the confinement.”
For Sarita Dasgupta, a sixty-year-old widow from Kolkata, the situation is different. She has been living with her aged mother for four years now. “Though I miss my husband, I used to keep myself busy with the love and support of my friends and other family members. But it’s hard to be without a partner in a situation like this.”
This unprecedented situation worries her, not knowing when she will be able to see her daughter, son-in-law, granddaughter and siblings again. Dasgupta says, “My 80-year-old mother lives with me. She has always been very independent but since mid-January, she has been suffering from some health problems which have placed her in the ‘vulnerable’ category. To avoid putting her at risk, I do not go out at all. It’s difficult as one doesn’t know how long the ‘house imprisonment’ is going to last.”
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Another threat that this situation brings is job insecurity. Many single parents have lost their jobs and are in search of new jobs or freelance opportunities. Every time a discussion on the imminent cost efficiency comes up, there are many who feel severe anxiety. It gets to you after some time and one is almost dysfunctional at times. Most single people would humour themselves and find support in social gatherings which are not possible now.
The video calls also get stressful after a time they realise that the screen-time hours are getting unhealthy. People feel suffocation and loneliness is enough to cause mental health challenges. Dutta says, “I used to find a lot of energy in meeting people and supporting community groups. Now I feel quite lonely at times as the virtual human interactions are lacking the warmth you find in a real-life conversation.”
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Writer Sreemoyee Piu Kundu, who has started an online community ‘Status Single’ to create camaraderie among the urban single women feels that the lockdown is harder for single women because they are the primary breadwinners of the family. And in most of the cases, they are living with old parents whom they have to take care of both physically and financially.
With no help and increased financial stress, single working mothers are finding it extremely difficult.
“The problem with urban single women is firstly our perception in society and for that, I will blame popular culture. We are not footloose with no financial responsibilities. For urban single mothers, it is all the more tougher because most of them have come back to work after a break in their career. Hence, they not financially sound and it becomes extremely difficult to pay rents, take care of the kids and old parents after a salary cut due to lockdown,” says Kundu.
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Kundu mentions that in a lockdown situation, the caregiving expectations from a woman is higher, and that takes a toll on your health especially if you are a single woman as you need to take care of yourself and those around you which can be old parents and kids.
Soumita Basu, founder of Zyenika, adaptive clothing designers for people with physical challenges and needs says, “I live with my parents. Both of them are senior citizens and they have chronic illnesses like diabetes and blood pressure. I have an autoimmune disorder and my locomotor functions are not normal and I have only thirty percent mobility in my body. Since being an autoimmune disease patient, I am more vulnerable to virus, hence I cannot go out much. I am glad that few online apps have started a preferential delivery for people with disabilities.”
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Getting medicines and visiting doctors has been a problem for Soumita in the absence of her caregiver. “Given that my mobility is dependent on someone else, I have very high levels of pain and I need therapies every day. It's not possible for my parents to help me out physically at their age. I feel lonely too because my friends who used to come over to visit me, they cannot come because of the lockdown,” she says.
