Mann, What A Baat

The weekly radio programme by the Prime Minister where he appeals to citizens to rally around the government has started to lose its initial appeal. It's copied from US President Franklin Roosevelt's 'fireside chats' that he started back in the 30s. Now that the PM is facing the heat, the tone and content of his Mann ki Baat have become mann-datory listening. With a nation eager to hear what's on his in mind regarding the recent controversies involving his partymen and allies, here is his latest Sunday broadcast.

PM: Brothers and sisters, we are all one big happy family. The President has already spoken about our ancient civilisation and the need for people to rally around. I'd like to inform you that I have some rallies planned in Bihar next week and it would be nice to have you all around. You will be served tea and snacks, purely vegetarian of course, I know you will have to beef with that. Our ancient civilisation also worshiped cows and much as I would like to milk this subject further, the Election Commission bars me from saying anything further. I hope my silence is as eloquent as my body language which of course you can't see, this being a radio broadcast. If you could see, you would notice that I am wringing my hands and shaking my head from side to side, which should convey the right message to all those who are committing unlawful acts. Of course, in India, people shake their heads from side to side and up and down to convey the same thing, when they are in agreement, so I'm not sure how effective it will be. 

Now, I'd like to digress a moment to speak about the burning issues of the day. There have been some sad incidents involving burning, but that is a state subject so I would not like to comment. The Election Commission code of conduct forbids me from influencing the public. I can speak after the Bihar elections are over to tell you how moved I am by some unfortunate incidents in recent weeks, in fact I was so moved that I was struck speechless for quite some time. People may have noticed and the media also wrote about it. They used a lot of Ink to convey this to the public and it is good to see ink back in fashion. Let's face it, our effort is to see that India's image is not blackened. There is also a lot of talk about bans and I hear that the ban on Maggi is going to be lifted so they can continue to make in India. Food items are a touchy subject these days, but people should not be cowed down by threats. There are elements that appear from nowhere to create a scene and after that, no one sees hide or hair of them.

I have been chatting with groups of people to find out what has been exercising their minds. The Haryana chief minister said he was concerned about Muslims in Pakistan. Mahesh Sharma said he was concerned about culture and cleansing, which meant he was fully in support of the Swatch Bharat programme. I also had a chat with Sangeet Som and he conveyed that he was concerned about meat exports to neighbouring countries, so you see these people all have foreign policy and India's exports on their minds. I was also chatting on Facebook with my old friend Mark of Facebook, or my young friend actually, and I asked him about the pressure of high office and what I should do to relieve myself. He suggested I build lots of toilets and also visit a temple in Himachal where he had found peace and the answers to many questions.

There is another Mann ki baat, someone called Bhagwant Mann who is appearing a lot on TV and attacking my friend Prakash Singh Badal who I recently referred to as the Nelson Mandela of India. That Mann ki baat should not be confused with my mann ki baat. I am going to ask the Election Commission to ban him from TV under the violation of patent laws. The code of conduct prevents me from revealing anything more. In other words, my lips are sealed.