Egoism- The Desire To Fulfill Ourselves At The Expense Of Others

We can choose to see the world either through the eyes of love or with the eyes of fear. This is the fundamental choice of our everyday life. There are two options spirituality or ego. The whole world as we experience it exists because most people choose ego – the way of fear – most of the time. That is, we tend to think we are separate, alone, unworthy and guilty. The ego is out to kill our happiness. We never choose spirituality.. we drift because the ego can be very powerful. It convinces us of two simultaneous, contradictory ideas: The first is that we’re unworthy, unlovable and just not good enough: and the second is that we’ll somehow find happiness in the world, even though we don’t deserve it. Thus, our ego convinces us that if we somehow find a perfect job or relationship, we’ll be happy. If we put tons of cash in the bank, we will be happy. If we graduate from college, get a promotion, and so on we’ll be happy. But “the ego rule is, I seek but not find”, and “Try to learn but not succeed”. The ego makes you believe it is you and keeps you undisciplined. We forget our innate goodness, leading us to believe what the ego says. Spirituality is the part of the mind that reminds us of the truth, which is that we are created by love itself, in other words, spirituality is the direct line towards God. By addicting to the ego, we fall asleep to our reality. 

Whether we are punishing ourselves or others, there’s no winning the ego’s game. We will only end up feeling disappointed and frustrated with ourselves and others when we have these ego-programmed expectations, you can’t be happy because you are too busy worrying about what the other person should be doing, instead of recognizing the real cause of your frustration. 

You are not allowing others to be as they are, but instead imposing your ideas of how they should be. This is the trick of the ego that will always take you to hell. The ego serves as the barrier for individuals to become self-critical enough that they create important societal contributions. Their swollen sense of self-worth keeps them from ever really connecting with others and pretty much the world along with their place in it. A study from “Jwalanta” NGO shows that success in a project or task depends upon an individual's self-assessment. Those who underestimated or overestimated their worth were likely to fail in their performance as opposed to people who had a core realistic self-assessment.  

The ego likes to keep us in past, thinking about how we messed everything up and how we could have done it better! our mistakes seem to be the source of our guilt, but guilt always begins with the choice of separateness. We feel guilty because we fear love even as we go around looking for it, and so we settle for its opposite. 

For instance, Prerana (name changed) after her break up with her boyfriend, a client of mine told me that she wished she had not acted as if she cared so much while they had been together. By “caring” she meant acting jealous of the attention she had received from an ex. Had she not acted jealous in the past, regretting that she had not lied about her real feelings!. 

This is just an instance of the ego’s delusional thought system, convincing us that real love is impossible, so we might as well settle for some variety of guilt instead. Whenever we negatively focus on the past, this is a choice we are making. 

Above all, the ego believes in separation and the body is the ultimate proof that each of us is separate, different from everyone else, and thus special serving the body, taking care of the body and finding distraction and pleasure through the body are egos preoccupations. We tend to believe that happiness is found by taking the best possible care of the body.  

When the ego is running the show, you need to make things happen and so you try to manipulate the world even if it kills you always whispering in your ear, telling you that you will not be happy or free until you get enough money, or the right person, or the perfect job. If that were true, then we would not hear so many stories of people who have it made on a material level but who are also alcoholic or suicidally depressed. The truth is that nothing out there will ever give you freedom or happiness. It is your divine right to be happy. Social media gives instant fame as well as recognition which in turn fuels ego in today’s modern society. 

One of the most crucial ways to create and cultivate humility is by finding a mentor or becoming a student. Being a student means constantly learning and thus allowing a person to stay humble because the emphasis is on the process. There are plenty of individuals today who managed to reach their goals by keeping themselves humble by having a mentor. These people choose to keep learning instead of allowing their egos to drive them. One excellent example to give is Oprah Winfrey, she is the only American African philanthropist whose worth is above 270 Crore the US $. Even though many people consider her extremely successful, she sought to have a mentor in the form of a poet, Maya Angleon. When the poet died in 2014… Opera wrote “The world knows her as a poet but at the heart of her, she was a teacher, “When you learn, teach, when you get, give” is one of the best lessons from her. 

Even though it might seem unusual to use her as an example, it’s a fact that her capacity to remain connected with her audience has much to do with her seeking to continue learning while also sharing what she has learned with other people. But such examples are rare to find. 

Individuals who suffer the most when a failure occurs are people who place general importance on the opinion of other people as opposed to the importance of work or the process itself. The moment that, nothing else matters except for the task that’s on hand, people's opinions won’t cause any damage. Even after an embarrassment, someone who is not caught up or driven by ego will continue to have a great career. Meanwhile, those who hold on to their ego will find it very difficult to face up the scrutiny in the public eye.  

One example in contrast to how ego can affect the careers of those who fall and stumble are the careers of Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton. Both of them faced a humiliating sex scandal during their terms. Bill Clinton managed to establish a successful career path even after suffering from a horrible scandal. He showed remorse and expressed regret during his impeachment trial and many of the American public felt sorry for him, feeling his private life was unfairly being hurdled in the public eye Weiner’s reputation was never recorded after his fall from grace because he succumbed to egotism. He never compromised with his ego, his constant need for admiration and praise was insatiable and he couldn’t help himself even though it meant it would ruin his career.  

Finally, let's end ego by understanding the words of Mohd Iqbal…… 

“The ultimate aim of the ego is not to see something but to be something”……