How About You, Mr. Bush?

Palestinian Authority President Yasir Arafat stunned the world yesterday by demanding that the UnitedStates hold democratic elections for a new Chief Executive before it attempts to continue in its role asbroker between Israel and Palestine.

"Mr. Bush is tainted by his association with Jim-Crow-style selective disenfranchisement and executivestrong-arm tactics in a southeastern province controlled by his brother," said Mr. Arafat, who waselected with 87% of the vote in 1996 elections in the West Bank and Gaza, declared to be free and fair byinternational observers, including former U.S. president Jimmy Carter. "Our count shows that he wouldhave lost the election if his associates hadn't deprived so many thousands of African-Americans, an oppressedminority, of the right to vote. He is not the man to bring peace to the Middle East."

Hugo Chavez, elected president of Venezuela with 62% of the popular vote, concurred with Mr. Arafat. Chavezhas long been a victim of Bush's anti-democratic attitude, as the Bush administration funneled hundreds ofthousands of dollars through the "National Endowment for Democracy" to anti-Chavez forces andreportedly gave the go-ahead for an attempted military coup by those forces. "After it was over and I wasback in power," said Chavez, "his administration actually told me 'legitimacy is not conferred by amajority vote.' Unless, of course, it's a majority of the Supreme Court. I respect the local traditions,however quaint, of the United States, but he hardly sets the best example for the Middle East, does he? Whydon't we get back to that idea of an international conference to settle the question of Palestine?"

Bush was not without his supporters, however. Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, elected head of acountry that legally discriminates among its citizens on the basis of religious belief, forbids politicalcandidates from advocating an end to that discrimination, and disenfranchises an entire people throughmilitary occupation, dismissed the call as "absurd."

Hamid Karzai, recently "elected" head of Afghanistan by a grand council, or "loya jirga,"in which a foreign body, controlled by the United States, selected delegates; unelected warlords who hadravaged the country were permitted to control the meeting and to threaten delegates who refused to vote theirway; and the U.S. special envoy to Afghanistan, Zalmay Khalilzad, refused to allow at least two othercandidates to stand for election, added his support for Mr. Bush in his hour of need. Said Karzai, "InAfghanistan, we have the loya jirga. In the United States, you have your own process -- as we understand, it'straditional over there for corporations to play a large part in electing officials and writing legislation.We're very interested in looking into that kind of system ourselves."

Vojislav Kostunica, chosen head of Yugoslavia in an election where the United States spent an estimated $25million to influence the results, was also keen to rush to Bush's defense, indicating that he saw noprocedural problems with the 2000 elections.

And Mahathir Mohamad of Malaysia, long derided for his claim that "Asian culture" is at odds withuniversal human rights, added, "The elections are strictly an internal matter, and should have no bearingon the status of the United States as a broker. The Palestinians' high-handedness is a serious threat tonational independence."

In a surprise move, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, long an ally of the United States, supportedArafat's call, saying, "While we're at it, let's take another look at our agreement on Americanindependence. George Washington was not only unelected, he did rather associate with terrorists. BenedictArnold would have been a much more suitable partner for peace, n'est ce pas?"

Arafat, busy working on a plan to find a new Israeli leader not tainted with the massacre of hundreds ofinnocents in Sabra and Shatila to negotiate with, could not be reached for further comment.

Rahul Mahajan is a member of the NowarCollective and serves on the National Board of Peace Action. His book, TheNew Crusade: America's War on Terrorism, has been described as "mandatory reading for anyone whowants to get a handle on the war on terrorism." Please click herefor his other work.