Love In The Time Of Puja

It's carnival time on the streets of Kolkata once again when the annualritualistic Durga Puja, followed by a string of related festivities, turn thewhole city upside down. It's as though the entire Bengali community as a blob ofhumanity converge on thestreets to become a part of the there-is-no-tomorrow celebrations as theMarxists glibly replace Maoistic saying of let a thousand flowers bloom with leta thousand romances blossom.

Never mind that most of these wilt as the Puja flower offerings at Ma Durga'sfeet but the dating/mating game peaks at these times when even under bulbouslyfleshed matrons and eagle-eyed boudis, young men dart messages with their eyesto young maidens. The latter coping with their first ever saris and stilettosmanage to reciprocate quite well, thank you. To quote ad lines that unfurl withpuja campaigns, this is the time to be young, to have fun. The magic of romancebecomes  synonymous with the magic of the celebrations under the benigneyes of Ma Durga whose own romance with Lord Shiva is in keeping with thenotoriety of Hindu gods and goddesses when it came to affairs of the heartanyway.

Mating may not follow dating but the latter is an opportunity. "Saris orspaghetti straps, Pujas are a time when boys look at girls and girls look atboys and it has ever been the same," says twenty something Saibal Gupta whois still not focussed onhis career as yet but has a thing or two for this neigbourhood girl whom hestill has not managed to date. This is his chance to approach her though theirony is that he will not be alone. He will be accompanied by a host of friendsplaying cupid.

"Puja is the time to pandal hop but not exactly bed hop," firmlystates Nayoni Basu, a third year sociology student of Presidency College,Calcutta. She cites Maddox Square (in south Kolkata) where the young and the hipmeet during Puja time to have fun. From a small group it fans out to a greaterinteraction. It's very cerebral for most of the time. "If individualromances splinter off from these gathering of young men and women, fine. No onequestions this," she adds.

If things do not work out, or romances concretize into tying the knot, finetoo, for this marks the coming of age of the youth in a collective way; veryIndian like. The fizz, a blind date or three, it's all there and in exceptionalcases like that of magician P.C. Sorcar, even marriage. "Romances duringthe pujas are not mere flings. They do last. I met my wife during my localityDurga Puja and our relationship has stood the test of time andcircumstances," he says.

There is magic in the air whichever you wish to interpret it. "Theambience of sweet smelling flowers, the incense mingled with perfumes make it atime for me to also look at women. There is no age for romance. I am still anincurable romantic and the pujas keep this spirit alive in today's matter offact attitude," avers Buddhadev Guha, veteran writer.

There is no conscious spouse hunting unlike in family wedding where a farmore conscious match making takes place keeping the caste/creed factor, a socialoccasion like the Durga Puja does give ample scope to young men and women tomeet in a society that is still conservatively middle class.

Earlier the pujas held at traditional homes worked almost like a familywedding when the unmarried sister of the newly married bahu caught the fancy ofthe first male cousin of the eldest bahu when the extended family congregated atone place.  In most of the times, it did end in marriages.

The puja grounds are a happy hunting for romantic associations for thoselooking for one or it might just happen. "I remember meeting young men whowere utter strangers when I started to go out with my friends, but most of thetime in groups," says Swati Mukherjee, a young married college lecturer,"A couple of such meetings followed up by subsequent pujas, didend in marriage and even though I have lost touch with them, I recall one suchrelationship that ended in murder," she says.

Perhaps the very nature of the four-day celebration unfurls like a storyboard of a  cola advertisement. In a traditional family puja, it is love atfirst sight for a young man fumbling in his dhoti for a young woman who is atease. The love is sealed by the last day - dashami - when they young mostly goto immerse the idol. There is just that hint of a romance. Its very here andnow. Like a prom party in the United States, a lot of firsts do happen duringthe celebrations. The first time a young man smokes or gets drunk or evenkisses.

Pujas are a time when the young hardly spend at home which spell a break fromroutine, and curfews. All night revelry, a free mixing between the sexes do giverise to certain hiccups but with the excitement fading away, these too fade andnormal life returns. "I have seen four instances of Pandal romances thatculminated in marriage," says Barun Basu, a resident of New Alipur."One couple met while rehearsing for a play in which they played a romanticpair !"

Of course the social sanction plays an important role here with the pujasplaying the ghatak (match maker). "I would liken the puja love or lust withtemple romances of the south," compares N. Vishwanathan, professor andactor, a Tamilian who is a long time resident of the city. "I shouldimagine there is a lot of romancing among the young which is natural. At leastamong those people who do not come from a liberal background, he says".Love, sex and god are a part of Indian erotica according to him and the Pujas doact as a catalyst in these matters.

There is considerable ad spend during this time when the buying is centredaround buying apparels, shoes and paints so the ads too harp on this romancetheme. Interesting visuals of love among the family with a huge segment of it targettingthe young, is the other popular theme. Colas and chocolates take care ofthat. 

D.K. Guha, associate vice-president, Lintas, Kolkata, talks of a campaign fora paint company which focussed on the more energetic folk dancing as part ofpuja celebrations so that the young could take part if they wanted to, unlike inclassical performances. This leads us to another trend that seems to be takingover the city gradually - the dandiya - the dance which has assumed free mixingto promiscuous heights as both men and women paricipate in a night-longcelebration.

The city is far from promiscuous but Mani Shankar Mukherjee, corporatecommunicator and writer is a bit incredulous. "What romance? In thejostling crowds? Don't you need some privacy for that? The young never had it sogood in  meeting whom they wanted or where. So why the puja pandals?"he questions.

Good question that. Except there is no clear cut answer. Perhaps the searchfor a good romance is always more exciting than the real one or this meetingdating mating is part of the cycle of life that puja rituals with socialdimensions reflect.