On expectations from India: I had no expectations before coming here. I just had some material that Ismail Merchant had sent me, andsome documentaries that I had seen. I expected more tradition, but it is so Western too. I see what theBritish did and the impact of it. India took what it was comfortable with. It proved a good way to get closerto modernization. The ones who are well here are well; the others, they are just living their lives.
First Impressions: First I saw was what looked like suffering. Delhi came as a shock. There were so many people, and oh, thetraffic. But then I said to myself, wait a minute, OK, I see what is happening. It is living back in time.Though I have to add there is no reason for it to be as bad as it is. There is so much possibility, given achance. Investors could rebuild things. There is so much talent and skills here, and people want a betterlife. We were like that once. It was a tough life. Martin Luther King said it can be done and it was. Inthere. The queens were up there in their howdahs. They never had their feet on the ground, but those below did.It is the same here, it is the elite on top, and the others must want more.
Second Impression and second thoughts: On the third day in India, I realized people were not suffering as much as I thought. I told myself I like ithere. I study the visual aspects. There’s peace here, there could be more, of course.. I am hopeful when Ilook at the young kids coming out of schools -- kids in their uniforms. Something’s got to change. I sensethis, I watch faces. The faces are good.
See it like a movie: It is easier to understand what one sees if you see it like a movie, a period movie. This is the way somepeople did live in the past. Movies are movies: they take you back in time, and how it still is for some. Ittakes an older person to perceive this, to experience this. I am going to tell my friends that they need tosee this.
Flashback to her own life: I grew up in the south, poor-- on rock dirt roads. A bit like what I see here. In Tennessee where I grew up,there were animals, farms, wagons, mules. My parents worked the ground. I would not say that we were poor --poor, as some of what I see here. We had a house, there was a place to stay. But there was so much dust. Wewashed at night before going to bed. It was tough for my mother. There was my mother, my sister and somecousins with us. We had no facilities. We had to use a wash pan. I don’t like to dwell on the past.
But the more I saw here, the more I realized that there was something I could relate to. Take away all thecars and the bikes, take it all away and you are very close to a time in my own life. You know you have towalk around to feel it. People stare at me in the streets. It’s like when I was a young girl and I went upNorth, and I would look at the people there. They all spoke so differently. It would be the same for thesepeople going to the city from their villages. They must be seeing me the way I saw those people in the city.
On the mystical: As a child my grandmother used to tell us stories about the dead and the mystical. I was always attracted toscience fiction movies. I heard stories from my mother’s mother who was an American Indian. She wasspiritual, although she did not go to church, but she had the hum. She used to tell me stories of the rivers.My father’s mother was black I was told stories by that grandmother, basically stories to frighten you to goto bed. She was a Baptist, a churchwoman. It made sense later.
On preparing for this role: I had not worked for four years. And then I was told about a year ago that Merchant Ivory were doing a filmwhich had something to do with legends and goddesses. I said, yes, yes, yes. I was kind of moving round thesubject. It was about Shakti and I said, yes, that sounds good. It sounded very visual and physical. Itexcited me, and now I am excited about being a dancer. I want to work on the training for this. I have beenthinking about this film. I want to breathe in the Spiritual. I want to believe in all the myths and legends.I was brought up with all that and feel that I can step into that character. I had not given that much thoughtearlier to the legends of India, to the gods here. I have smaller statues at home though… Now that I am hereI have to come up with another concept. India is giving me another perception. To step into the role, toprepare the self for which I need stronger, focused meditation.
On Buddhism and faith: I am a practicing Buddhist. I have been for 25 years. The chants help, and I am working on it. And it helpsin life. You worship more here. Sometimes we need help from a god. You take your problems to a god, but whatyou really need is for the god to take you to the inside of you. It takes a belief system to get you to thatplace within. In Buddhism there are words you can say…as you say the words with rhythm, the conscious tellsthe subconscious. You need an idol for focus, that god gets you to that place. There is no just one way. Itake from all that is around me. Buddhism has got me that far, to what is good. I relate to and respectall. I know the difference between black magic and white magic. I believe in prayer and in strong belief.
On what a goddess means to her: For me, the goddess is the female of God. She is powerful, if different. In the USA, there is no femaleequivalent to god. But I believe we have a higher level of mentality within us, but we have to use the powerin the right way. For me the goddess is positive. She has strength and the ability to help. I am attracted tomyths. My role in Ismail’s film interests me. I want to know what this kind of goddess will project, thescientific aspect, the new female. I believe in cosmic energy of men and women. I want to know what thedifference between the essence of a man and woman is. A woman gives life, is. I am sure there is ascientific explanation for the difference. It is not a superstition. Looked at scientifically, it could besomething. I feel what is in a woman is coming from the earth. It is the union of creation. I am coming froman intuitive place. My parents separated when I was younger. I worked with intuition. Basically I was alone,so I was more centered.
Taking in Indian music: I am still trying to understand the music here. What we heard last night was the rhythm of the soul and notjust the words. Which is what I felt when I heard the old man humming. It is not melody in scale. It comesfrom a place within. This is when there are no words. You have the hum -- it’s humming from the soul. Thereis no end to it and you can go on as long as you want, there is no end because there is no structure.
On her music and her personalized hum: You know about the music of the soul. I got mine done through astrology. You get it from the birth date andthen through numerology. And round that you find the hum of the soul. Then you do the humming. I had mine donenine years ago, but I didn’t keep it up. I was going through my divorce, and it was the hardest part of mylife. I lost what was given to me from the numbers. Sometimes, lying in bed it is still there, not asconcentrated as it was, but it comes from that place.
On the Taj Mahal: I had heard so much about it, about the love story. The guide made us keep our eyes closed so that the firstsight would be the full view. It looked like a huge crystal ...and the light! - for me it was like a lotus in a swamp. I had asurge of emotional feeling, of awe. It is a tomb, yet for me it was that magic of the stone. The Taj Mahaljust sits there -- like a huge diamond. It was the magic of crystal. For the people, it is about the queen --OK, it is story about love. But what is still standing there is its strength and beauty. Even if there hadbeen no story. Like if someone, say in elementary language, describes this beautiful white house, as a magicalplace.
An edited version of this encounter appears in the print magazine.
