I should have know better than to answer the phone this late on a Fridayafternoon. It was my old friend and nemesis, Leon Despair, and he was as usualin no mood to be put on hold or to answer questions about how he got my newnumber. I get these calls from Leon once or twice a year and I know better thanto hang up on him or tell him I'm busy. That will only bring him straight to mydoor.
He began by inquiring about my health: "Are you out of your mind? What'scome over you?"
I beg your pardon?
"Did you write this column? It has your name on it."
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Which column would that be?
"This one. TenThings You Know About Bush."
Oh. That one.
"Ten things my foot! You don't know one thing."
What makes you say that? (What makes ME say THAT?)
And he's off to the races. "Listen to this crap. 'We like him,' it says.What the hell does that mean? Who's we?"
According to the polls, about 80% of the people like him. Haven't you heardthem talking on TV about how the guy has bonded with America?
"You sound like a damn dope addict. Somebody says something on TV andyou go Oh, Wow! and start looking for a pencil. Is that how journalismworks?"
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Now wait a minute . . .
"You didn't ask me if I like him. Go ahead, ask me. Here's the answer --I don't. Furthermore, I don't know anybody that likes him. And neither doyou."
Uh, well, not exactly.
"Well, if I don't know anybody that likes him, and you don't knowanybody that likes him, then who the hell DOES like him?"
Listen, Leon, nobody WE know likes him, but apparently everybody else does,ok?
"Nobody likes him. Name one person who likes him."
Al Gore says George W. Bush is his commander-in-chief ...
"That is so lame. Admit it: nobody likes him. Say it."
Maybe nobody in particular likes him, but we as a people, in
the aggregate, like him. Read the polls...
"Shut up when you're talking to me, ok? Don't make me come over there.In the State of the Union, did you hear him say LET'S MAKE THESE TAX CUTSPERMANENT?"
Yes.
"That meant, LET'S GIVE ANOTHER $254 MILLION TO ENRON. You know anybodywho likes that idea?"
Not offhand.
"You think Ken Lay even likes him? You think Cheney likes him? You thinkColin Powell likes him?"
Condoleeza Rice seems to like him ...
"Let me remind you of 10 Things You DON'T Know about Bush, ok? You don'tknow how much cocaine he did."
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I don't know for a fact that he...
"You don't know when was the last time he did it. You don't know wherehe did it. You don't know who he got it from. You don't know who he did it with.You don't know where he was when he was supposed to report for duty in Alabama,and his commanding officer says he never saw him."
This is old stuff...
"You don't know whether he ever did any of his roistering with Enronpeople. You don't know what he knew about the Taliban leadership being in SugarLand, Texas in 1997, while he was governor. Did he meet with them?"
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I've raised that in my columns ...
"And who's behind all this fainting? Everytime you turn around, anotherone passes out."
Leon, this is getting ...
"Just remember one thing. Nobody liked him in Texas, either. And hedefeated Ann Richards. And then even fewer people liked him and he wonre-election in a landslide. So who do think the Democrats will put up againsthim in 2004?"
I don't know. Probably Gore?
"No way. Nobody likes him."
The line was dead. Leon was gone again. Not even a "till nexttime." He's that way.
(David Vestis a regular writer for CounterPunch,where this piece first appeared, as well as a poet and piano-player for thePacific Northwest's hottest blues band, The Cannonballs)
