Anil Agarwal

f nothing else, the Union environment ministry’s refusal to clear the Vedanta mining project proved one thing; that a pop song on repeat cycle will in no way move either mountains or Jairam Ramesh. I learnt this the hard way. Now, it was Sir Richard Bransonji  (known for his unconventional business strategies) who first revealed to me that singing Madonna’s Like A Virgin for six months was behind the successful launch of Virgin Atlantic in 1984. “The producer, Nile Rodgers, gave me an advance copy and within six months things literally took off,” he said with his trademark flamboyance. I had gone to see Sir Richard at his Crawley office to get a few tips on how to sort out Vedanta’s problems with the Indian government. As expected, he did not waste time in offering advice. “I’d say for starters you listen to this album I am giving you and then sing one particular song at least five times a day,” he said as he handed me a copy of Let It Be by the Beatles. “The track you must concentrate on is the fourth one, I Me Mine. You will see...it will inspire you,” he said as he showed me to the door.

Well, back home at Mayfair (that’s a tony London address, if you didn’t know), I took up Sir Richard’s advice with a vengeance. Now, I must admit I never liked pop music, having always been partial to the filmi variety. But I was desperate—to get Vedanta going I was prepared to sing any damn song. But, did all the singing while cycling in Hyde Park help? Initially it did and things seemed to be on track. But then into the picture came that green man Jairam Ramesh and a lady I had never heard of before—Bianca Jagger. The former simply refused to give environment clearance and the latter held agitations in London and Orissa against me. Worse, she persuaded the Church Of England and other European investors to pull out of Vedanta. Frankly, their commitment to get the mining project scrapped has even stumped an old scrap dealer like me.

Interestingly, when I brought up the Bianca matter with Orissa CM Naveen Patnaik, he chuckled: “Bianca, I know her well! She was once married to my good friend Mick. In fact, why don’t you meet him and see if we can do anything to change her mind.” So that’s how I found myself at the Alain Ducasse restaurant at the Dorchester waiting for Mr Jagger. He ambled in finally. “Naveen told me about your hassles. Unfortunately, I can do little to help...Bianca is a very headstrong gal. You see, unlike you and Naveen, she doesn’t believe that to grow economically the environment’s gotta go. Or that mountains have to be reduced to molehills,” Mick said in his characteristic drawl. “But I have a suggestion. Why don’t you change the firm’s name to please those religious types? Vedanta is very Vedic. The church might come around if you rechristen yourself Vatican Resources Corporation....”

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)