The Visions We Hear

"People are strange. The other day I ran into my neighbour's daughter in the lift. I asked her when is Independence Day? She said the 4th of July. I was shocked— this PYT didn't even know what August 15 was about! She said she was moving to the US and had spent several days preparing for the visa interview at the consulate. In any case, she added, July 4 comes before August 15.

Later at a swish party I met a dude who claimed he collected old blades to get a retro shave. "Today I'm shaver Swish," he said for special effect. I popped my big question: What is Independence Day? Pat came his reply: "Isn't that a film starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum?"

‘When and what' does trigger lateral thoughts in people. You are as independent as think you are. Of course, if you think, you are a....

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"From the Vindhyas to Kanyakumari India is ‘won'. Mind it you rascals who say it's two. All Kannadigas, Marathas, Malayalis and Tamizhs are my brothers. Some of them are also my sisters. I tell you it is people from the south who will shape the future of India. Which is why I call upon all north Indians to integrate with Dakshin Bharat. The sun rises here. My countrymen, learn from Kollywood. Ever so many producers are flocking to Chennai to sign me. That's because I am the greatest and always the latest. Even in Japan, Rajni is a superstar. Let me tell you the Japanese are my great fans and lights. But mind it, Rajni is not carried away by firangi praise. He is a proud Dakshini—Maratha by birth, Kannadiga by passion, Malayali by inclination and Tamizh by duty. On this great day, August 15, I ask you to make ‘won' pledge only—please see my Kuselan. Make it a super hit...."

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This is my personal view. Independence Day was staged 61 years ago by the Congress and Mountbatten. The conspiracy involved several people. I won't name them now but I will at the right time. We were led to believe we are independent. If we are free, why have we sold out to George Bush? When comrade Karat says we have become slaves of the US, he is right. The sellout to the British Raj and the US happened 61 years ago. The nation will know the truth soon. Sangh brothers, do not despair, you will know it too.

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Let me begin by reciting a few lines I composed on the flight to Delhi. Luckily, my co-passenger, William Dalrymple, whose knowledge of Persian and Urdu is immense, helped me with the translation:

"The vision that I see in your eyes (Long pause punctuated by yeah, yeahs from son Farhan Akhtar and the crew of Rock On)
The vision that I see in your eyes
Is of a power that will take the world by storm (pause)
And spread hope for light years into the future" (pause and yeah, yeahs)

Thank you! It is indeed a proud moment. The Red Fort means a lot to me and Salim. We spent weeks here working on the Sholay script. The fort is part of our personal history. Here are a few lines I scribbled on the inflight magazine:

"It was 61 years ago today (long pause and yeah, yeahs)
It was 61 years ago today
That Nehruji unfurled the flag and had his say (pause)
But freedom's gone in and out of style
Though it can still light up our lives."

Thank you. Willie says his translation has a similar metre to a song written by the other two great lyricists of our time--John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Yeah, yeah.

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In rajneethi, there are no permanent friends or enemies. I have realised that Soniaji is my bhabi like Jayaji. After all wasn't Rajivji like my brother just like Amitabhji? Rahulji and Abhishekji are like my sons. And Manmohanji is like my papaji? We are now a Manmohan ‘Desai’ family that was lost, but is now reunited. But that apart, I would also like to congratulate Soniaji, Manmohanji, M.K Narayanji and Kalamji for explaining the nuclear deal to Mulayamji (Desaiji, not now, your time will come). You know, Mulayamji finally understood the deal had a hidden Hyde Act which could get us cabinet posts. "Amar, I see a new clear day," he said with glee. Coming to allegations that the Samajwadi Party's making too many demands, let me say this—what's wrong with a son asking his father for a few favours? If Karat- Yechury failed to capitalise when Manmohanji had adopted them as his very own who is to blame? They wasted four years! I tell you Karat is not 24 carat. He is not even the plated gold sold at Janpath....