Beni Prasad Verma

“Beni Prasad khush hua’, is the thought which came to my mind during a recent car trip where I snacked on a cup of tea and aloo vada. The bill came to Rs 195 and I was thrilled. This was real ‘inflasion’ and the next day I could tell the media, “Mehngai se main bahut khush hoon kyonki isse kisan ka fayda hota hain. Sabzi aur anaj zyaada keemat par bikega toh woh paisa kisan ko milega.” You see, out of the Rs 195 I paid for the aloo vada and tea, the farmer would have received Rs 190. Wasn’t that great? This was possible only under our kisan-friendly UPA government. Next day, my statement made page one news and I was on top of the world. Of course, the BJP and other Opposition parties attacked me but what do they know about the farmers’ plight? They talk of ‘middlemen’, ‘hoarders’ and ‘inflasion’ but in a democracy like ours our motto should be live and let live.

Of course, our PM and Soniaji did not comment on my views officially. But insiders tell me they were pleased at my direct approach. I may be a steel minister but as far as farmers are concerned, I am as soft as moong dal halwa. These shahri log do not understand the economy of the nation. Why can’t people like that Ambani who, I am told, lives in a Mumbai palace buy aloo at Rs 100 per kg? Unless the Indian kisan receives fair prices for farm produce how could he afford his roti, kapda aur makaan? I am sure Manoj Kumarji agrees with me. Isn’t that why he made the film?

You see, unlike other ministers I do not care if I am not No. 5, 6 or 7 in the cabinet. Sharad Pawarji should have spoken out like I did for he is, after all, the ‘kheti’ minister “lekin, woh toh always cricket khelte rahte hain”. Ajit Singhsaab calls himself a farmers’ leader but look what he is doing now. He made those poor pilots starve and agreed with the Baghpat khap panchayat that girls should not own mobiles, talk to boys, fall in love and so on. Why doesn’t he care for the kisans?

But here are some people who appreciate my frank views on ‘inflasion’ and high prices for farm produce. An organisation in UP, the Muzaffarnagar Moorkh Mandal, is honouring me with a Maha Moorkh award sometime next month. I am honoured. To confirm the universality of my views, I am inviting a vvip leader from the US, Republican Party  leader Todd Akin, who also likes making astounding statements like mine. The Republican Senate nominee from Missouri said in public that women did not become pregnant if they were victims of a ‘legitimate’ rape. As in my case, many leaders disagreed with him and so did the media. But that is the price one has to pay for original thinking. Anyway, with the presence of  people like me and Todd Akin, the Moorkh Convention should be a huge success. I shall focus on ‘inflasion’ and urge the government to hike food prices substantially so that the farmers earned more and more. Jai kisan!

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com