Zubin Mehta

Shalom! What a wonderful week! Concerts in Kashmir (Srinagar) and dear old Bombay, oops, sorry, Mumbai. The Srinagar concert was more memorable, everyone arrived in BMWs, Mercs, other imported cars and hired limousines. With so many expensive, imported cars around, why are the Valley people complaining? Of course, later I learnt it was all courtesy the German embassy in Delhi. That’s okay with me but the ambassador will have to do some explaining to Chancellor Angela Merkel, when the bill for that extravaganza reaches her desk for approval. And to think she’s advocating a belt-tightening for Greece, Portugal and other poor European nations, urging their people to eat once a day! But the Srinagar show was worth all this, though some people did ask on which routes I operated, mistaking me for a local bus conductor.

Actually on this visit, my cup really runneth over. Gujarat leader Narendra Modi took the first step towards becoming the next Indian prime minister. I like his idea of dev­elopment. In my Israel, we have the same passion, we achieve dev­el­opm­ent through building settlements on land that actually belongs to the Palestinians. Well, West Asia is a big area and why can’t the Palestinians go and live elsewhere, leaving the poor Jews the Biblically-donated land that is Israel. 

German trade delegations in Gujarat came back so impressed with the development, they have invited Modi to the fatherland to teach them details on how he did it. I think this can be best achieved with a joint German-Israel programme and very soon I shall be performing in Gandhinagar in the presence of Modi, Netanyahu and Merkel to collect funds for such a breakthrough development. I said in a media interview that if Hindus and Muslims sat together for an hour-and-a-half listening to music, it would start a healing process. Srinagar had two music concerts, one desi and one imported and there was a double healing. My Gujarati friends told me that with Modi at the helm they would pack the auditorium and open spaces with music lovers from the VHP and Bajrang Dal. They were already undergoing courses in the appreciation of Beethoven, Bach and so on. Smart folks, these Gujaratis, they are as smart as the Jews.

Now people can talk but why can’t I be a close friend of Israel and its philharmonic orchestra? It is a great democracy in a region which has no democracies. A democracy is a democracy, though I admit some of the right-wing coalition partners in the country belong to 2000 BC and do not accept most of the Ten Commandments, particularly those on not coveting thy neighbour’s land.

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com