08 April 2013 Society April’s Spoofs

Wharton The Heck!

Modi to balle balle to the US
Wharton The Heck!
Illustration by Sorit
Wharton The Heck!

Frustrated with repeated snubs by American institutions and Visa offices, Hindu Hriday Samrat (post-Thackeray) Narendra Modi has decided to join Punjabi-Pop sensation Daler Mehndi’s troupe of background dancers to gain an easy entry into the US of A. Reliable sources suggest that Modi has been inducted as “Bhangra dancer number 24” in the 60-member group of Daler Mehndi’s forthcoming World Tour.

“We tried everything, from showing the US embassy people the number of YouTube hits on Modiji’s speeches to stalking Steven Spielberg on his India visit, but nothing worked,” admitted a close aide of Modi who didn’t want to be named. “We were forced to take desperate measures and Daler Mehndi’s high success rate in pigeon rackets sealed the deal,” the aide said.

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Daler Mehndi confirmed the development and said, “We had a position vacant for a guy who climbs on other’s shoulders at the end of the dance and proclaims victory. Narendrabhai fitted the role perfectly.” On the visa issue, Mehndi added with a grin, “I am no Robert Vadra, but still I can get through some checks without any questions. Puraana khilaadi hoon. (Am playing this game long before Robert arrived.)”

The news has spread a wave of spontaneous joy among Modi’s supporters in Gujarat and internet. “He’s the only Indian leader capable of such pragmatism. Also Rahul Gandhi’s real name is Raul Maino!” said @Modi4PM2014 on Twitter. Political commentator Shambhu Shekhar praised Modi’s courage in the face of repeated boycotts, the latest one being from Wharton University, and credited this smart step to his development model in Gujarat. “Modi is a core believer in alternative methods. Solar panels as alternative energy in Gujarat are a result of this belief. Similarly, Bhangra is a rich-in-Bhara­tiya-tradition alternative method to get a visa,” said Shekhar.

Not everybody is amused with Modi’s US cherry about to be popped, though. Social scientist, historian, and editor of independent policy journal WARS (Whatever Arundhati Roy Says) Kamal Yadav said, “All this is pure hype created by his PR agency. Development stories from Gujarat are a myth, Modi’s oratory is a myth, his Bhangra skills are a myth. And what about 2002?” Kamal urged the US institutions, malls, restaurants, zebra crossings, parking lots, pet cats and elevators to boycott Modi when he visits there.

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NRIs based in the US have already planned for a series of lectures by Modi. “This is historic,” said Sam Shah (chairman, Indo-US Commerce Chambers) equating Modi’s impending America visit with Vasco da Gama discovering Indian shores in 1498. “Vasco of course was less ambitious in comparison,” he added.

Meanwhile, away from the buzz, PM Man­mohan Singh was spotted on Lok Sabha TV camera ordering the book ‘Urdu Shayari for Every Occasion’ from an online book store.

Varun Grover is a cynic of the highest order who channels his disappointment with a failing world into his stand-up comedy and satire blog thedailytamasha.wordpress.com

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