December 11, 2019
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Veggies: different kinds

Veggies: different kinds
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VEGETARIAN VAGRANTS

PARTY-VEGETARIAN

Hates to feel left out in party situations. Assumes fiery animal rights/eco-aware activist avatar at upmarket Save Amazonian Rain Forests, Narmada Bachao fund raiser dinners in south Delhi and Bombay. Exits from party, kicks roadside dog, picks up Karim's kakori kababs to munch on the way home.

FLIRT-VEGETARIAN

Is in tears at the sight of chicken necks being twisted but is in ecstasies at the sight of their fragrant tandooried legs. Flirts with turning vegetarian each time he sees raw meat but is more prisoner of his palate than his conscience.

LAPSED-VEGETARIAN

Will bravely eat only broccoli at Felliniesque feasts featuring tables groaning with smoked salmon, legs of lamb and lobster tails in delicious dill-flavoured sauce. Will succumb to salmon temptation at offshore island where ONLY seafood is available only after remaining resolutely hungry for two days. Then

discovers he LOVES the stuff after all. Afternoon fantasy? Turning vegetarian again. His motto: if you don't succeed at once, try, try and try again.

LYING-VEGETARIAN

Turns vegetarian to rent house from Jain landlord, woo Tamil Iyer mother-in-law, ensure favour of wealthy vegetarian grand aunt, avoid intimidation by politically and 'palate-ically' correct peers. Stealthily bites the beef in the dark of the night, then happily sleeps tight....Tomorrow is another 'vegetarian' day !

FASHION-FRAUD-VEGETARIAN

Brainstorms with personal PR agency to check which cause would garner maximum mileage for his person, his fashion product. Plants pictures of himself with pets. Turns vegetarian bleeding-heart animal rights-and-wrongs advocate for as long as it takes to sell his animal print leotards and lounge pants line. A fortnight of party, PR, press meets, abstinence, animal love prosletysing later, heaves sigh of relief and reverts to his original carnivore state. Quietly.

VEGETARIAN VARIANTS

FRUITARIAN

They hear the cauliflo-wers cry. Eat fruits, nuts and honey. No tubers please, we are fruity.

VEGAN

The Maneka Gandhi breed. Don't eat any animal food. Favour plastic belts, shoes and slippers.

SEMI-VEGETARIAN

Eat everything but red meats. Chicken is okay and fish are water plants in their book.

PESCO-VEGETARIAN

Cousins to semi-veggies. Chicken out at the mention of chicken. No fish for them either.

LACTO-OVO-VEGETARIAN

Gentler folks to whom the eggs they eat are not quite chicken. Eat dairy foods and eggs, but animal flesh is anathema.

LACTO-VEGETARIAN

No eggs please, we are chicken, is their rallying cry. Consume dairy products but no eggs or animal flesh. Prime votaries: Hare Krishna acolytes, Yoga junkies.

OVO-VEGETARIAN They'll eat the eggs, but drinking milk is snatching meals from the mouths of animal infants. Consuming any animal flesh, is, of course, taboo.

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