Advertisement
Saturday, Dec 04, 2021
Outlook.com
The Secret Diary Of

Ravana

“Mani sir, Ravana will hit you so hard that even Google won’t be able to find you. Mind it.”

Ravana
Illustration by Sandeep Adhwaryu
Ravana
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+05:53

I must declare upfront that I’m most upset with Mani Ratnam sir. Yes, Ravanan (not Raavan as the film is titled) will never forgive Mani sir for choosing Abhishek Bachchan to play my part in the Ramayana. Now, admittedly, Mani sir is a good director but couldn’t he have cast Rajnikant? And, if Rajni said he can’t, he ought to have opted for Mohanlal or Sanath Jayasuriya (the Lankan cricketer deserves a break). And Aishwarya? Mani sir could perhaps have made the Baby B more emotive if he had signed on Karishma Kapoor (the two were engaged in 2002 and called off the marriage a year later) to play Sita. Anyway, Amitabhji (whose acting in Sholay got much praise in aakash and pataal) has blamed his son’s poor performance on poor editing. But I fear the real culprit was poor acting.

Also, Ravana—ok, drop the ‘n’—is most upset that his story has been so poorly interpreted. In fact, Ram (yes, the Lord himself) called to say that I look messed up in the film and that I must take Mani Ratnam and Abhishek to Lord Indra’s court. I did toy with the idea but when I approached Ram Jethmalani, he said Ravana is not a national issue and that I must approach Lankan president Mahinda Rajapaksa. Imagine me pleading with him! The very thought of it makes my ninth head ache and the nose of my sixth run. Anyway, out of frustration I called up Aishwarya who thought I was Abhishek. “The movie has already been released so you don’t have to keep saying you are Beera,” she said in the same tone and accent she used in Pink Panther 2. I said I was the original Ravana and she laughed. “Abhi, who do you think you are fooling?” she said dismissively. I passed my mobile (0000000666) to my seventh head which was in a foul mood and shot back: “Do you know who you are speaking to? This is Ravana, emperor of emperors. The one who knows the four Vedas and six Upanishads.” Nice try, she retorted. “Abhi, I know you can disguise your voice, but you don’t sound one bit like Raavan—you sound like Mani sir trying to sing God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols.” I hung up after hearing that. The subtext of Ash’s words was not lost on me. I know for a fact that Johnny Rotten was the lead singer of the Pistols. So, was she implying that I, the great Ravana, was rotten?

Advertisement

Outlook Newsletters

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

Read More from Outlook

Hyderpora Encounter: Arrest Of Khurram Parvez Brings Focus Back On Human Rights In Kashmir

Hyderpora Encounter: Arrest Of Khurram Parvez Brings Focus Back On Human Rights In Kashmir

Alleging abuse of anti-terror laws, the United Nations and international human rights bodies seek release of rights activist Khurram Parvez and inquiry into the Hyderpora encounter.

Five Points On How Taliban Wants To Define Marriage For Women

Five Points On How Taliban Wants To Define Marriage For Women

Taliban government's revised version of women’s rights decree largely emphasizes on marriage and re-marriage which predictably is in accordance with the sharia laws.

2nd Test, Day 2 LIVE: IND Demolish NZ, Take 263-run Lead

2nd Test, Day 2 LIVE: IND Demolish NZ, Take 263-run Lead

Follow here Day 2 live cricket scores of India vs New Zealand second Test at Mumbai's Wankhede Stadium. India are batting first after Virat Kohli won the toss.

Omicron Severity Is Anticipated To Be Low: Health Ministry

Omicron Severity Is Anticipated To Be Low: Health Ministry

Will the Omicron variant drive the Covid-19 third wave in India? The Union Health Ministry says the chances are very low.

Advertisement