The countdown to the next election has begun. The nation is buzzing with rumours. Some are true. Some are false. We list some of the widespread rumours which we know are false.
It is not true that the Congress Working Committee is urging Sonia Gandhi to hire, along with her Hindi teacher, an arithmetic teacher.
It is not true that L. K. Advani has discarded Sardar Patel as his hero and instead adopted Bhajan Lal whose methods he is closely studying.
It is not true that Nawaz Sharif wants to campaign for Atal Behari Vajpayee in his constituency.
It is not true that Laloo Yadav who spurns English will now take lessons in Italian.
It is not true that Deve Gowda will avoid the election because he believes that as a non- MP he will have a better chance to become prime minister.
It is not true that Inder Gujral has given up the idea of becoming prime minister because he is trying to replace Kofi Annan.
It is not true that the RSS has offered Mulayam Singh Yadav the post of sanghchalak in charge of Uttar Pradesh.
It is not true that Jayalalitha has decided to take Admiral Bhagwat to court for having misled her.
It is not true that Subramanian Swamy has now offered Mayawati the post of prime minister provided she agrees to make him finance minister.
It is not true that the BJP will lobby for Arjun Singh to get the Bharat Ratna for demolishing Sonia's chances so effectively.
Nor is it true that Arjun Singh has joined a bird watchers' club to study the habits of migratory birds.
It is not true that the CPM politburo will subject Harkishen Singh Surjeet, Somnath Chatterji and Jyoti Basu to lie- detector tests in order to find out who spoke the truth.
It is not true that a hundred Italians arrived in Delhi to help Sonia Gandhi become prime minister. Actually they were Congressmen trying to speak with an Italian accent.
It is not true that George Fernandes now wants a defence pact with China to contain Jayalalitha.
It is not true that Madan Lal Khurana is prepared to contest elections from any party provided he is pitched against Sushma Swaraj.
Finally, it is not true that Indian scientists are working hard to perfect a smart bomb which will destroy only politicians !
You'll ask, of course,
Who's my source?
Well, I heard
A little bird!