The Ulema at Deoband do not only engage in complex theological debate. Sometimes they plumb the depths of the ludicrous in response to questions from the public. More so, because of the solemn manner in which they are answered—as fatwas. We culled out these gems from a 10-volume set of Fatawai Darul Uloom.
Q: If while breaking wind it does not smell or sound, does it still break the wazu (cleaning before prayers)?
A: If you are sure you broke wind and you are not under a false illusion and are not physically challenged, then you should do the wazu again.
Q: What is the punishment for a man who tells his wife that having sex with her is like having sex with his mother?
A: There is no punishment for what a man says in private to his wife.
Q: If a chicken defecates in my well, has it become impure? How do I purify my well?
A: Throw out 110 buckets of water from your well. Then it will be purified and the water can be used for wazu.
Q: If my bathroom does not have high walls and a roof, should I still bathe in the nude?
A: If the walls are high enough to cover your body then bathe in the nude. If not, then don't bathe naked.
Q: Will Allah accept my prayers if I pass wind while doing my namaz?
A: Only if you have kept the wind within you and restrained from releasing it are your prayers valid. If not, you should say your prayers again.
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