Haven’t kept a secret diary for a few days. Sorry. Poll campaigning was easy and uncomplicated. Blame every political party for the current mess, label every party leader corrupt, throw some titbits to the fawning media, job done and plenty of time for diary writing. But now, it’s impossible to cope with the aam party image. Have to decide on every issue after consulting the people. Take the case of my accommodation—Sheila Dikshit just moved into her bungalow, and that was that. In my case, the government chose two adjoining five-bedroom flats and then the trouble began. The media organised a poll on the issue. Were the flats suitable for an aam party chief minister. Weren’t they too big? Did he really need such big flats? Will they upset my aam aadmi image? I had to inspect the flats nearly 20 times and reply to all sorts of media questions, some of them quite embarrassing. So were the poll results. Why did I need so many bathroom fixtures? As a genuine aam aadmi, why did I need a western type toilet when millions of Delhi citizens had to make do with Indian style ones. Why have toilets at all when 30 per cent of Delhiites did not even have one? Why can’t the aam aadmi CM ‘do it in the open’ like the people and prove he belonged to them? But how can I decide on water rates, power rates, market taxes and so on while squatting in the open air?
This kind of work is more tiring particularly after I had walked around my constituency, asking 1,45,876 people if we should come to power taking help from the Congress. If I have to exert myself like this for every problem...phew! And my colleagues are of no help. Despite being recognised as confirmed autowallahs and servants of the people, they readily jumped at the chance of getting government cars. Ministers even quarrelled over the colour of their respective cars. Sisodia argued that ‘blue’ symbolised education, his portfolio, and asked for a blue Innova. Do you now understand how ticklish my job is? Sometimes, it becomes too personal like the one poll suggesting that to maintain my clean image I had to be clean-shaven. That even made my wife furious.
It’s all right for Yogendra Yadav to announce he wanted to contest the Haryana assembly polls and become the CM there. I have received 22 aam aadmi party delegations from the state who belonged to various khap panchayats demanding that the new AAP government leave them alone and they would do their time-honoured job without corruption. That was some consolation. But I tell you, dear diary, this job is tough and the very thought of becoming the prime minister gives me the shivers. I feel like rushing to Ram Lila maidan and starting a brand new fast. But wait, wasn’t that how all this began....
The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com