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Arun Jaitley

A senior Sangh pracharak rang me up: "We must release cables sent from Ashoka Road to Nagpur on a variety of issues"

Arun Jaitley
Illustration by Sorit
Arun Jaitley
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+0553

If you ask me, it’s most unfortunate and rather ironical (as Advaniji put it) that a paper which takes its name from one of the great religions of the world should print my views on Hinduism as interpreted by Robert Blake, a firangi diplomat. The gentleman in question is the kind who doesn’t know his karma from his cola. Which is why he and his assistant (some Mike-Shike fellow) who accompanied him for that famous May 6, 2005, meeting got it all wrong. To get the right perspective, let me reveal what actually transpired that Friday. In the course of a rather long discussion, Mr Blake wondered what my take was on the BJP and Hinduism. “Well,” I said, “Hinduism, as we all know, is just a way....” Which is when Mike-Shike interrupted with this lame crack, “Mr Jaitley, this so-called way, does it lead to 10 Janpath or to Parliament?” I tried my best to explain that what I was referring to was the dharma followed by every practising Hindu. “You mean coalition dharma?” came the next query.

I took a sip of tea and tried to change the topic. “Mr Blake, are you in anyway related to the actor Robert Blake, the guy who starred in the 1967 thriller, In Cold Blood.” He answered in the negative, adding that he never watched films as he always got that creepy feeling that people on the screen were actually watching him. Naturally, I found this rather curious but I chose not to react. Anyway, Mr Blake soon returned to Hindutva and the BJP. He wanted to know how Hindutva impacts politics? “Well,” I said with candour, “it provides several opportunities.” That last word was twisted to imply that the H-factor was an “opportunistic” issue for my party. Now, we all know Hinduism provides tremendous opportunities. Ayodhya is just one prime example. But can we ever accuse Advaniji (who has repeatedly apologised for the Babri demolition) or other BJP leaders of being opportunistic?

Enough said, now that the damage has been done, one needs to look ahead. Our friends in the RSS have advised us to start our own leaking system, called BJPLeaks. In fact, a senior Sangh pracharak rung me up and revealed detailed plans: “We must release cables sent from Ashoka Road to Nagpur on a variety of issues. These will be interpretations by party workers (marked top secret) about US foreign policy and why President Barack Obama secretly wishes to join the Sangh parivar after his term is over. We can also throw in some lighter stuff about why Nitin Gadkari dreams of singing film songs at Democrat conventions. And why china bought in Japan is radioactive....” Well, I admitted, it all sounded like a good idea but wondered who would print our cables. “Jaitleyji,” the voice at the other end said, all excited, “we have our own Organiser. We can even tie up with some anti-Obama newspapers in the US. Also, and this is top secret, our NRI friends are launching a newspaper in seven languages and five dialects. And guess what they plan to call it...The Hindutva!”


(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)

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