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Amar Singh

For starters, sitting in Dubai I managed to complete the script of ‘The Devil Wears Jaya Prada’...

Amar Singh
Illustration By Sorit
Amar Singh

In this hour of crisis, it’s time for all Amarwadis to unite. I know Sanju baba is with me. So too is Amitabhji and therefore Jayaji, Abhishekji and Aishwaryaji. Hopefully, Jayapradaji will also stand by me. Now, let me make one thing clear, exiting from the Samajwadi Party and saying ta-ta to Mulayamji does not mean the end of the world. For starters, sitting in Dubai I managed to complete the script of ‘The Devil Wears Jaya Prada’. This was a project that I had planned long ago but was so busy with politics that I could not devote any time to it. Anyway, that aside, when I got back to Delhi, I texted the storyline to Sanju who said he approves. In a nutshell, the film is about an ace designer (played by Jayapradaji) who crafts a special shirt from a golden Kanjeevaram saree for the hero, played by Amitabhji. But every time the darzee (Aishwaryaji) finishes stitching it, the villain (Sanju baba) tears it up. Finally, she manages to evade him  by fleeing to Mauritius where I plan a few song-and-dance sequences in which Abhishekji will make a guest appearance. All said and done, this is truly a family picture with a few friends thrown in. And yes, the final and most enduring shot will be of Amitabhji wearing the shirt in slow motion while Sanju baba (the man in a tearing hurry?) looks on helpless.

Now, other than the film some strange things have also been happening. For example, the other day I received a call from Soniaji. “Amar Singhji, how are you?” she enquired and then went on to ask whether I would like to join the Congress. Naturally, at first I got excited by the invitation. But then I quickly did a rethink. Reason? I know Soniaji speaks English with a slight Italian accent. However, she surely does not pronounce if as ‘iph’ and that as ‘thait’. So who was on the line? It was Akhilesh baba! “Don’t think you can fool Amar uncle with your falsetto. And by fool I don’t  mean flower,” I said rather curtly. A few hours later, there was another call from someone who said he was Sharad Pawar. “Would you like to join the NCP?” he asked. This time I was not fooled. I asked the caller to tell me in which year Pawar quit the Congress. There was a long silence at the other end. I instantly guessed it was Mulayamji—he is poor in history and is not good with dates. Finally, I broke the silence. “Mulayamji, you cannot trick Amar Singh,” I said and hung up. Anyway, I have taped both father and son and will transfer them on to a CD to add to my collection.

Meanwhile, with no Yadavs to worry about, I have decided to pen my memoirs. It will have all the masala that I have picked up during my colourful Samajwadi years. I will also include some cartoons and illustrations (to be drawn by yours truly) to pep it up further. And, yes, Sanju baba has even suggested a title—‘Amar ka Chitra Katha’.  Now that certainly has a nice, familiar ring to it....

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)

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