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Ain't Da End Of Da World

Cut 2 10 yrs frm now and I dred 2 think wot Superbrat's gonna tell me...

Ain't Da End Of Da World
Jayachandran
Ain't Da End Of Da World
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+0553
I mean, he used 2 b cool n all dat but dis was way 2 much. K I kno Im not 18 fer nuther 8 months n dose dudes in da guvmint will giv me a licenz only after but still. So I've gotta stay bak as Ishita n Shaaz take da Maruti 400 out 2 Bangalore.

Man I was luking so forward 2 da drive—dat sweet car wil do 300 on da hiway n it's a sweeeet 4 hours from Mumbay n I so don't trust dat Shaaz wid my gal. Hope it stays sunny tho—don't want him pulling dat "sorry no solar we need 2 pull over" move on her. Will tel Ish da aux hybrid will pull em along just fine till dey need a fossfuel squirt.

Dey r crashing da Infy party tho da dogs. 200,000 codin coolies rockin 2 U2 live. Will vid in on Airtel fer sure—jest hope dat Sudha chick doesn't get on her "life is beautiful" speech crap n goes back 2 her soap operas at Balaji—dat biz was one kickass gift 2 her by ole man NM—keeping Sudha outta Infy n sendin Kektaa Da Kruel in2 retirement at da same time. Mom sleeps better n Peter uncle at Star told her he duz 2. He said his new boss—frozen Rupert's teenage grandson cudn't stand KDK's naggin.

Speakin of buyouts Dad made a packet on Airtel buyin out Mukesh mama's Reliance. He coulda bot me da 400 2 celebr8 but NO he "wants his boy 2 start @ da bottom" ya ya I heard all dat a googol times b4. Guess Mukesh mama needed da cash—even tho fossfuel's 100 bux a liter but buyin Yukos n Chevron in da same year cant b cheap.

Shaaz n Ish wont be alone tho, thank hevven. Ayushman pulled serious string n is Air Deccaning in wid 4 of his mates from Isla bpo in da Andamans. How dey got a hundred thou peeps 2 relocate dere is a puzzle—I guess "airconditioning n fittin out da Cellular Jail 2 check attrition" woulda appealed 2 dose call center slavedrivers at Citi. Plus I hear da post-Tsunami watersports r awesome.

Oops. Mom's on da vidfon. Must get dis color outta my hair—she hates it wen I steal her stuff. K. Will put on da wallpaper. "Where are you?" she asks. Heck, she knows—no fooling her. Switch 2 cam. "Agni—what have u done 2 your hair!!!" Ya, Mom, ya.

She wants me 2 fix her comp again—Norton 2015 isn't cutting it against da Hissar hackers. Flip da phone, login 2 her box—yeah, I can see where da guys got in. Dat poetry tv channel she subscribes 2 from Ireland has dese jokers doing virii as online performance art.

Snuff. Clean. Boot from backup. "Yes, Mom you're fine now." Not even a thank you n she's off—blogging on an "Abida Parveen or Nusrat" e-bate wid Paati in Hyderabad n Naani in Pune.

Sigh. Da concert's not started yet. Hear Bono has already been in India for months, blendin in2 Varanasi in his grey locks. Edge didn't wanna come so he's jamming live from Dublin—bandwidth brought 2 you as da ad says, by VSNL. Dis is strictly private n all but Im sure it's being bootlegged off a thousand Nokias n squirted in2 a million Reliance wireless set-top boxes.

Funny dat. Dad tol me da cable mafia once ruled da cities—cutting rivals' wires n sometimes even dere heads. N how wireless last mile just smashed em all—n sent em back 2 Bollywood extortion.

Tho da funniest thing was da demand dey once made from a character—Stengun Murugan—in a live-action serial Dad's company produced, before dey found he was n animated toon.

Dad went on bout da days dere were no bridges tween Versova n Colaba n dere were no quad hiways round a country n wen dere were just some 7 channels on da flatscreen in 95 n some 70 in 05 n how dere must be some 700 now n his usual sickenin nostalgia trip—till Mom got him 2 go alphabetically arrange da CDs in da garage now dat no one's ever listened 2 one in da last 5 years.

He's quite chilled now.From wen da Sensex bust thru 10,000 back in 2007 n all da way 2 last year wen it went past 20,000 Dad was at da terminal every hour, pulling it outta his pocket n doing trades—right in da middle of a conversation n once even in da middle of well I guess an intimate moment wid Mom till she threw it outta da window n threatened 2 do da same wid him if he didn't stop dat now.

Well, he ain't retired yet but dey certainly have laid way back. Da second home in Lhasa does em good specially after China opened up thru Uttaranchal n dey do dere regular "every southern summer" bit of tryin 2 keep Antarctica from meltin.

Ever since all em NRIs n NRCs figgered dere was far more money in India n China than in da US of A—dey came back n dere kids—poor abcd fools (every guy's called Neil for sum reason) are getting shafted here. Yank parents 2 thot dey cud either leave dere kids in dose schools—or send dem 2 get a good education—n thousands of dem passed out (sum literally due 2 Kingfoster's) wid me dis year from Bandra-Kurla. Twas fun seein em go for tuitions 2 Auntie Rajeshwari in Mulund.

Well all dat's okay but Im grounded 2day. Let's see wot can I do. Da terabyte on da iPod is fulla new warez from Shanghai. N da videos didn't do much for me wen I'd plugged the teradrive into the flatscreen. Maybe I cud take Dad's car out but all my buds are up at da show.

Guess wot. It's a nice evening. Maybe I'll go down to the sea n walk da beach. After all, it aint da end of da world.




(Mahesh Murthy funds startups and bows down to the demands of his son Agni who'll be 17 in 2015.)
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