August 08, 2020
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A Whole New Alphabet

The vocabulary this election brought into currency. Presenting, an A-Z.

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A Whole New Alphabet
Illustration by Sorit
A Whole New Alphabet

A The Apology which Mr Rajnath Singh didn’t quite give when he asked Muslims to forgive the BJP for any “past mistakes” but later clarified that he didn’t mean Gujarat. Others added he didn’t mean Ayodhya either.

Also: Agents of Adanis and Ambanis [See V]

B Badla, or revenge, which Mr Amit Shah wanted the voters of Muzaffarnagar to take—from the Muslims presumably—by voting for the BJP.

C The Chhappan inch ki chhaati which Mr Modi’s tailor, Kanhaiyaji Chauhan, told the Hindustan Times is actually only 44 inches

D Damaadgate, starring the man earlier derisively called Jeeja G, the other scam suffix after 2G and CWG, better known for his suddenly acquired real estate acumen, married to one whom they don’t want to call Mrs G

E EVMs, the electronic voting machines that might end up being blamed by the losers for their defeat

F Besides Feku, also Freebies like fans, mixer grinders, TVs, laptops and other such that the EC had to put a ban on, particularly in Tamil Nadu

G The Gujarat Model and GDP numbers that don’t quite add up for some but appear to have dazzled many others into sheer adoration

H Har Har Modi, what His supporters were chanting before the Dwarka Shankaracharya stepped in, while the opponents chorused ‘Herr Herr Modi’ and hoped it would be a case of ‘Haar Haar Modi’.

I According to Mr Modi’s definition, this stands for India First, his patented ‘secular’ formulation. Others, of course, are sure it means ‘I, Me, Mine’.

J Jashodaben, the wife who finally made an appearance on an affidavit but was forbidden from speaking her mind out to reporters and press

K Kaala Dhan, which Baba Ramdev forever says should be brought back to India and which his opponents accuse him of actually hoarding in his very own private island

L The Lehar or wave which was supposed to be the result of the hawa that various opinion and exit polls were meant to create. [Also see T: it turned out to be a Tsunami, in the end]

M Maa-Bete ki sarkar, another sobriquet coined by the Great Leader for the UPA regime run by fiat

Also: Mazdoor Number 1, which is what Mr Modi has promised to work tirelessly for all as.

N Namonia, the affliction that finally even those who did not support the BJP seem to be stricken by

O The Ocean, where Mr Farooq Abdullah said that those voting for Modi should go drown themselves

P Pakistan, the only place apparently, Mr Modi’s various supporters said, left for those opposing the Great Leader

Q Queues of job-seekers who have been lining up outside Mr Modi's residence ever since overseas economists put in their applications

R The Rhinoceros, which faces a grave conspiracy against its life, the Great Leader alleged “very seriously”, so that the areas they occupy become empty and “Bangladeshis can be settled there”

S Shehzada, the same one who was also apparently called Namuna, causing great umbrage to the one who shan’t be called Mrs G

T Tsunamo, not just the wave, even if it was first only assumed to be only in the minds of those stricken by Namonia, particularly on Twitter.

U The Unending, which is what these elections eventually became. Finally they have ended...or haven’t they? The post-match adjudication remains.

V What Mr Kejriwal advised Mr Advani to drop from his name if he wanted Modi to listen to him.

Also: Varanasi, the real venue for the Mahabharata in this election.

X The X-Factor that many hoped AAP would turn out to be nationally, with Ms Mayawati in Uttar Pradesh and Mr Lalu Prasad Yadav in Bihar playing their parts

Y Yeh dil maange more, the old catchphrase from an ad that Kargil martyr Captain Vikram Batra made immortal and the Great Leader cynically employed in Palampur to ask for votes

Z The Zombies, which is what most of the couch potatoes in the country have become after a surfeit of election coverage on the television.

Also: Zero: the number of Muslim BJP MPs; the number of seats the BSP and the DMK won; also the number of seats the Congress won in 13 states; and, finally, also the number of questions that the Sonia-Rahul duo took after conceding defeat.

A version of this appears in print

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