Bombay

hey say what’s in a name? Well, a lot. Ask me, I for one liked the sound of Bombay, my old familiar name. But they changed it to Mumbai, almost ruthlessly, with not a thought. Earlier, they rechristened Flora Fountain to Hutatma Chowk. Now Marine Drive is Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose Marg, Haji Ali is Vatsala Bai Desai Chowk, Dhobi Talao in the new nomenclature is K. Vasudeo B. Fadke Chowk and Fort Street is Walchand Hirachand Road. Now, I ask you, how would it feel if someone changed Balasaheb’s name or altered his nephew Raj’s Maharashtrian naav to the Bihari Raj Sharan? The collective vanity and Maratha pride, I am sure, would protest it’s unfair. But did anyone give a thought when they made me Mumbai and renamed my streets? Thankfully, despite all their efforts, people still remember the great landmarks by their old names. Imagine asking a cabbie to take you to Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose Marg! He’d be stumped. But tell him Marine Drive and you’ll be there in a jiffy.

Now, that apart, you may wonder why I am raking up this renaming issue. Well, I am told in the post-26/11 scenario our intelligence agencies are finding it well nigh impossible to make any sense of the many terror ‘intercepts’ floating in. It seems the terrorists have started using the Brihanmumbai Corporation’s city guide—which lists streets by their new names—to plan their operations. One intercept that intrigued the entire force read thus: “Assemble at R.S. Nimbarkar Marg. Proceed to Shankarseth Road and then to  Nyaymurti C. Patkar Marg. Wait there for the team coming  from C.D. Barifwala Marg which will first touch base with agent ‘Y’ at Sir Dinshaw Mulla Marg...and then leave the explosives in a cloth bag.” Had the Lashkar operatives referred to the locations as Juhu Street, Marine Lines or Girgaum Road then their plans would have been that much clearer. Luckily, the bomb (sourced secretly from the DRDO’s R&D  lab) proved to be as powerful as a Diwali firecracker and did little damage other than startle a drunk vegetable vendor trying to sell the last of his onions for another drink.

While on terrorism, I am amused at all the media coverage David Headley and Tahawwur Rana are getting. In fact, the former’s city capers are being investigated to his last five barbell side presses. Last heard, the National Investigating Agency was interrogating the chanawala Headley patronised and even recorded statements from a bedsheet he slept on in a city hotel. If the investigators are to be believed, the duo are responsible for all that’s gone wrong with Bombay, including the poor quality of water and the steep increase in veggie prices.

Meanwhile, a year after 26/11, it’s heartening to see Mumbaikars up and about and waiting for the Christmas-New Year season to kick in. Very clearly, nothing can take away from the Bambaiyya spirit.

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)