All Sugar, No Cane? Here’s The How-To

This is a dilemma that confronts both teachers and parents. As a teacher says, “At home we have to contend with one or two children, but in a class of thirty, you need enormous reserves of patience.” What separates a good teacher from a great teacher or a good parent from a great parent is often determined by the patience one exercises within the confines of a classroom or home. Says Shivani, counsellor at Delhi’s Sanskriti school: “A mischievous kid with a lot of energy may not understand the consequences of his actions. So, it’s important to be in constant conversation with the child. It helps in setting the boundaries of acceptable behaviour.”

What this means is telling a child not to get up from the seat when a teacher is talking and if he or she does, the teacher has to clarify that it is not acceptable. But this also means allowing the child to make the mistake once or twice at best, but not repeatedly. Most counsellors are unanimous when they say a child must never be punished for the first time. If the mistake is repeated, an alternative form of deterrent has to be found—being barred from watching a favourite programme on television or not being allowed to play in the evening.

According to counsellors, it’s a long-term engagement and as the years go by, you ask the child to set the punishment for oneself—this way, the boundaries become self-defined. But most agree that it is alright to lose one’s cool and let the child know you are displeased. According to U.C. Bajpai of the National Commission for the Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR) and a former principal of Kendriya Vidyalaya, it is important to be firm and it is equally important to punish children who make the same mistake repeatedly—by detaining them. “At best, I’ve made senior schoolchildren stand outside my room and have let them off after they have apologised. But you must never slap a child,” says Bajpai.

Disciplining varies from child to child. So, for bunking, you have to threaten the child with detention. Most counsellors agree children must be told about the consequences of their actions beforehand. He or she has to see that the action meted out is fair. “In most cases, instead of writing a note to parents, I make a mid-level schoolchild write a note to the parents mentioning the mistake,” says Shivani.

Shivani, in whom children confide, often has had to face instances of teachers slapping children. “In such cases, I talk to the teachers concerned that slapping is unacceptable,” she says. But more often than not, it is important to verbalise your emotions. It’s okay to say to a child that you are trying my patience and you might get whacked, says Shivani. The objective is to let the child know the consequences of its action.

In fact, the two-member committee set up by the NCPCR that went into the reasons for the La Martiniere Calcutta student Rouvanjit Rawla’s suicide, says it is important for a school to have a counsellor and even more important that it has letter boxes where schoolchildren can complain. The committee is emphatic that at no stage can a child be beaten. “School authorities have to adhere to the child’s inherent right to life with dignity in all spheres of its activities,” says the report.