Na Tum Jaano Na Hum

Na Tum... is an ode to the Indian Posts and Telegraph department; it's all about writing, posting and receiving letters. And gives a new lease of life to the innocuous post-box number which you thought was in use only for the classifieds. Esha and Hrithik get acquainted with each other over a dial-in radio chat show and become pen-friends, pen-lovers to be precise. They decide not to meet each other physically but to get to know each other emotionally through these balmy love-notes. Why? Because mujhe pyaar se pyaar hai (I'm in love with love), proclaims a rather giddy Esha, who incidentally, also cuddles up with a soft toy called Tutu. Stupid cupid! Well, it gets worse. The two decide to reveal nothing about themselves to each other, not even their names. They remain main (I) and tum (you) or post-box No 235 and 143. More such silly complications follow. Hrithik's best buddy, playboy Saif, too falls in love with Esha. Needless to say, all such difficulties, inherent in any filmi triangle, are resolved. But only after three painful, tedious hours.

This potpourri of You've Got M@il, Sirf Tum and Dil Hi Dil Main is too moth-ridden for the 21st century. Why would the two lovers, who are hooked to mobiles and FM, use a post-box no? Wouldn't e-mail have served better for anonymous communication? The screenplay is full of such inconsistencies: what's the big deal about remaining anonymous anyways? Why would the flirt Saif fall for a goody-goody girl like Esha? Why would her traditional grandpa want her to marry this confirmed casanova?

Saif replays his Dil Chahta Hai moments adequately. Esha makes an irritating, pig-tailed, pre-pubescent li'l miss, certainly not a heroine yet. The quiet and shy Hrithik is diabetically sweet and painfully passive. While his fans keep waiting for him to do something, he prefers to "leave it to God", obliging only towards the end when he turns into a Superman to bash up a few eve-teasers. His romance with Esha doesn't light up the screen either; his affection seems more like a brotherly concern. Hrithik acts with all sincerity and sensitivity but the effort seems misplaced, ludicrous in fact, given that the situations are so flat and insipid. Look out for the party sequence where Hrithik helpfully zips up Esha's dress minutes before it would have slipped away. It should bag an Oscar for the most sublimely moronic scene ever filmed. If Na Tum... is being touted as a film strong on story, well, then just tell me another one.