V. Balakrishnan

Infosys. Then Aam Aadmi and varied jobs. Life, suddenly, is busy and entertaining. It was a stroke of genius, I thought of this new idea of Rs 20,000 per head dinner date with my boss at the AAP, Arvind Kejriwal. Rather unique, no one had thought of this gimmick in India. But we at the management institutes knew that whatever sells in the US would be hot stuff here, that’s why our IIMs do so well. I am 48 and only now did I think of this Rs 20,000 a plate dinner for fundraising for AAP. Cometh March 15, cometh the great event in the presence of ‘Keju’ (that’s how we call Kejriwal in top management circles). Most of our guests are management honchos. But India being India, we had to invite political bosses, top bureaucrats and local VVIPs and naturally had to foot their bills. I am told that in the US everyone paid without murmur. Try doing that in India!

Rs 20,000 per plate was rather steep but look at the variety we are offer­ing. Veg, non-veg, semi-veg (fish but no meat), Jain non-veg (I have no idea what that means). Purely ‘desi’ (ragi balls and ‘saru’), palaharam (for those fasting) and so on. And don’t for­get the VIP, very very confidential menus. Keju in the company of others would appear eating...two nuts. Then half a fruit, six peanuts and half a glass of coconut water. Later, in the privacy of his room, he will have roast venison, Kobe steak and cloudberries (available only 15 days of the year) in cream. Well, I sought the help of a few ex-Infy friends all over the world to manage the items.

Normally, such plate dinners are formal, guests dressed in white tie and tails or tuxedos. How to get 200 readymade tuxes in Bengaluru? And there were other difficulties. The political invitees would arrive only in desi dress. In some cases, these were dhotis which flipped open at the front and back, revealing a lot of hairy leg! 

The AAP team put up so many demands but we had to accept them. While the corporate bosses could stand or sit near the buffet table, Keju and his friends insisted they would only squat and eat with their hands in typical dharna pose. In the ‘question hour’ which follows the banquet, corporate bosses can ask questions which did not exceed five words. Keju will answer them in 45 minutes. Now that I’ve got into this, I don’t know how to get out of it. But the worst part of the programme was Keju’s insistence that his ‘poetaster’ friend, who will be fighting Rahul Gandhi in Amethi, will recite his poems every 15 minutes. It’s all part of the new democracy! At the end of it all, don’t be surprised if I go back to selling bra hooks!

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com