Sleep And The Innocent

When night falls, a quiet fear invades the smoky relief camps in Ahmedabad. For thechildren of the Gujarat riots, the witching hour has begun. In the slow hours till dawn,many huddle close to their mothers, struggling to stay awake. The horrific memories thatthey try to hold at bay during the day stalk them in their sleep.

For the riot's children, there is a thin dividing line between memories and nightmares.There are visions of parents being dragged out of their homes and cut into pieces, ofbrothers and sisters thrown into flames. There are memories of women being brutally raped,foetuses ripped from pregnant bellies and of their own spine-chilling escapes fromimminent death.

There are some 42,000 children among the over 1 lakh inmates in Gujarat's relief campstoday. That's what the discredited state government says anyway. Those working in thefield—civil rights groups, ngos—claim that there are at least 30,000 children inAhmedabad's camps alone. Many of them are orphans. "Children have been worst affectedby the carnage. Unlike adults, they may not be able to fully absorb or vocalise what theysaw. But the impact is deep," says Father Victor Moses, who is coordinating Citizen'sInitiative, a group of 30 ngos working with the state's riot victims.

He is right. First came the mobs—burning, pillaging, murdering and raping in front ofthe eyes of these hapless children. Then came displacement—after their homes weretorched. Suddenly, family, friends and schools are a chimera. Dr R. Srinivasa Murthy,professor of psychiatry at the Bangalore-based National Institute of Mental Health andNeurosciences (nimhans), who visited some of the camps, found the children in a state ofshock. "The trauma seen in children who survived the riots in Gujarat is similar tothe trauma children suffered after the Bhopal gas tragedy, the Uttarkashi earthquake andthe earthquake in the state." So they end up extremely prone to anxiety disorders,acute depression and stress.

Possibly even worse. When the Ahmedabad-based ngo Centre For Development tried to involvethe camp children in art classes, they ended up drawing burning houses and dead people."There is a lot of anger among the children," says Mira Mehta of the centre."You will see a lot of small, silent children playing around in the camps. They don'tlook rattled but they are badly affected inside." That's not hard to discover. Athree-year-old boy playing in the camp says occasionally: "Abba ko mar diya. Goli,goli! (They killed my father. Bullet, bullet!)"

Counselling will be futile, say psychiatrists, as long as the carnage continues."There is so much fear and anger among children and we can't even tell them that itis all over. Until it stops, how can they begin healing?" asks Sandhya Surendradas ofthe ngo Sanchetna's child survival project.

Right now, they are possibly lucky to be just alive. Remember, quite a few children weremurdered. Here are some testimonies to a gory end of childhood and innocence:

"We had just finished having tea around 9.30 am when we heard a mob outside. Theywere throwing stones, brandishing swords, dharias and khanjars and chanting 'Jai ShriRam'. They said they would destroy all Muslims. We tried to run but they had surroundedus. They set fire to houses and started throwing people into the flames. I was standingwith my pregnant cousin Qausarbibi, who was to deliver in another two days.They draggedher away, ripped open her stomach with a knife and threw the foetus into the fire. Thenthey threw my family into the fire, one by one: my father, mother and my 17-year-oldsister Sophiya. My aunt's family was also burnt alive.

"Someone hit me with a pipe and I fainted. When I came to, it was night. There werecorpses all around me. My pants had been burnt off. I walked to my house and put on someclothes. Then, I walked 10 km in the night to the house of my employer. All along the way,I feared someone would leap out and kill me. He took me to the hospital and then theybrought me to this camp.

"I feel like my mind has been destroyed. I can't talk for more than a few minutes. Ican't sleep at night. Those scenes keep coming back to me. I think about my mother a lot.She used to say that I was her joy, her support. I want to ask the people who did this:What had my family ever done to you? I don't think all Hindus are bad. I had four or fiveHindu friends in my colony and I can't believe that they were involved. It was outsiderswho did this.

"I feel scared to leave the camp but sometimes I think I have already losteverything. What can I feel scared of now? When (Prime Minister A.B.) Vajpayeeji had cometo visit Gujarat, he spoke to me and asked me about my problems. But I want to know, whathas he done to stop the killing? When is it going to end?"

"My father was on the roof, watching, and he told us that a mob was approaching.We were sitting on the bed, crying and holding hands. Then, the mob came towards our home.They were screaming, 'Kill them, cut them!' The police was with them. They had swords andwere carrying flaming torches.

"We decided to run towards our friends' homes in Gangotri Nagar. We felt that wouldbe safe. They were Hindu and we used to watch TV at their homes. I played with theirchildren. But when we got there, we saw that they were part of the mob. I saw Keshubhai,Bhavani Singh and Guddu Chharra in the crowd. My family was holding hands and running butwe got separated. I saw them drag my mother and set her on fire. She was screaming.Everyone was screaming. Then they set me on fire too. I ran and jumped into a water tank.There were three other children in the tank: Babloo and his sister, and Mehboob.

"After the mob left, we hid in the nearest house. We were there for hours. We heardsomeone latch the door from outside and then people started setting the homes on fire. Ithought we would be burnt alive now. I heard my father calling out to me from outside andI screamed. He opened the door and got us out.

"I can't sleep. If I do fall asleep, I wake up screaming. I can't eat. I remember mymother and my brothers and sisters: Hussain, Khajjo, Afreen, Shaheen. I feel scared toclose my eyes. What if Keshubhai and Guddu Chharra come and get me? They know that I sawthem and they want to hunt me down. When too many people gather together, I start feelingnervous.

"I want to grow up and track them down. I want to go and burn their houses like theyburnt our house. I want to cut them with swords the way they cut my family. I want tobecome stronger and take revenge. I cannot live with Hindus now. I will not feelsafe."

"The night before the attack, the police came and picked up most of the men fromour village.The 20 to 40 people left were mainly women and children. About 9 that morning,a mob of about 2,000 people in white shorts and T-shirts and orange bandanas arrived intrucks. They had swords and knives and were shouting 'Miya log ko kato (Kill theMuslims)!' They burnt the masjid near our house. I saw police but they did nothing. Thevillage was surrounded but we jumped over a wall and escaped into a thorny field.

"I was looking over the wall when I saw 10 men grabbing my 16-year-old neighbour. Shewas screaming, 'Save me! Save me!' They ripped her clothes and fell on her. It went on andon. We were all sick with fright, we couldn't go out and stop them. When they finished,she was still alive but they stabbed her in the stomach and threw her in a ditch.

"In the evening, we tried to return but a man came and grabbed my sister, Firdaus. Mymother and aunt managed to free her and we ran back into the field. We stayed there allnight. Walking through the fields for over a day, we made our way to Rahimnagar to myuncle's house. He got us here with a police escort.

"I am scared mobs will come and attack me the way they attacked our neighbour. Theviolence has not stopped. I keep to myself. I even feel scared to talk to people insidethe camp. What if they are killers in disguise? What if they have come inside the camp tohunt us down? All Hindus are not bad, I know. Our neighbours did not do this. It waspeople from outside.

"But the police did not help us. When I grow up I want to join the police, so that Ican help people."

"We used to live on the second floor of Gulbarg Society, right across EhsanJaffrey's house. Just after breakfast on February 28, we heard the mob. They were throwingstones at our building. My mother said we should stay inside, so my parents and six of uslocked ourselves in. Then the fire started. The floor tiles got hotter and hotter. Thenall of us ran to Jaffreysaab's house where we could be safer. There were at least ahundred people there. We were all crying with fear.

"Then a mob entered the house. They grabbed my brother Salim and struck him on thehead with a sword. He cried 'Papa!' and fell to the floor. Then they set fire to the room.I managed to run out and onto the roof with the rest of my brothers and sisters.

"My mother got left behind. We went to my aunt's house on the roof and hid inside herbathroom. After five or six hours when it was over, we were rescued by the police. But thesame police had done nothing to stop the mobs. We had to climb over heaps of corpses toget out.

"Sometimes I hear my brother's voice calling me. I was his favourite. I keep seeingthe burning building. They never found my mother. She was burnt alive inside, just likethe rest. Sometimes even in the middle of my sleep, tears are pouring out of my eyes.

"I can't stay with Hindus after this. Even now, they are not leaving us alone. Theyhave attacked this camp so many times. Nearly every day, a bomb goes off outside or thepolice fire at the camp. They don't want Muslims to remain in Hindustan."

"The mobs, led by the police, came with guns, swords and knives.They were shouting'Jai Siya Ram' and wore saffron bands on their heads. I saw police inspector Gadvi fromthe nearby station. We ran out of the house but the police began firing. I got separatedfrom my family but was running right beside my friend Sagir Khan when the bullet hit him.He fell down. The police picked him up and threw him in the fire that the crowd had lit.Then, three policemen caught me.

"I thought that that was the end for me. I was going to die. There were three ofthem. One of them tried to hit me with his stick but hit the other policeman by mistake. Imanaged to escape and started running. They kept firing at me but I managed to duck thebullets. I got to the main road and hid behind a truck. Then, I crossed the road andscaled a wall to reach Aman Chowk, where there was no fighting.

"If the police had protected us, things would never have become so bad. If I see apoliceman now, I start running away. They don't want this to end.

"The Hindus say they don't want miyabhais (Muslims) in Hindustan and that we shouldgo away to Pakistan but we will have to live here. Where else can we go? What else do wehave? I don't even want revenge. I just want to be left alone.

"I try not to think about what has happened. If I remember, I cry to myself when noone else can see me. I have to be strong for my family."

"I was reading namaaz at the Kosadia Masjid at about 2 pm when we were attacked.The armed mob first began throwing petrol bombs. They had been gathering at the Mahakalimandir in our locality. Instead of controlling them, the police started shooting in ourdirection. The crowd burnt the masjid and also the Quransharif. I ran towards my house butthe crowds had already burnt and looted it.

"I feel that the minister Bharat Barot was behind the attack. He had been havingmeetings in our area every night. He had even been distributing petrol and weapons to theHindus.

"This camp is not safe either. We are still being attacked and the police come andthrow teargas shells inside. I would like to ask them, 'Are we the attackers?'. The otherday, one woman in the camp died of shock after a bomb went off near the camp. I want to goback home but the situation outside is still not safe."

"I was playing cricket with friends when the police came. They told the Hindu boysto go home. They were warning them that something was going to happen.

"Around 9 am, a mob of 15,000-20,000 people arrived and surrounded our building. Theystarted throwing stones and petrol bombs. Everyone began running helter-skelter when thefire started. I ran up to the roof and hid there. Ehsan Jaffrey was well known andeveryone thought they would be safe with him. So many people hid in his house.

"I was peeping from a window at the top when I saw him on the ground floor. He wastelling the mob, 'Kill me if you want but let the people go.' Then, the mob told him tosay 'Jai Siya Ram' but he didn't say anything. They got angry and put a burning tyrearound his neck. They pushed a sword through his stomach. I turned my head. I couldn'twatch anymore.

"I keep having nightmares about it. I can't sleep. Sometimes I think I'm sleeping butI wake up crying.

"I hate Hindus.Why did they do this to us? I saw our neighbours in the crowd. I wantto kill them if I can. I want to go back there and kill them."

"I was having lunch when we were attacked. There was a huge crowd with swords,knives and stones. I ran out of the house with my parents and went to Ishraf Pehelwan'shouse, where we thought it would be safer. But the blue-uniformed raf men with guns andsticks came inside. They grabbed my father and beat him up. They began hitting my mothertoo. I also got hit on the foot. I told them, 'Why are you beating us? We didn't doanything.' One raf man held a gun to my chest and told me to shut up. I thought that I wasgoing to die. Then the military arrived and they stopped. By nightfall, we came to thiscamp.

"In my locality, I had a lot of Hindu friends. We used to play cricket and basketballtogether. But after these problems started, they began chasing me away and say that theydidn't want to play with a mussalman. They are not my friends anymore. I don't want to goback there again."

Present home: Saraspur Municipal School relief camp, Ahmedabad

"On the afternoon of February 28, I was at home. Suddenly, 150-200 people arrived onthe street outside. They had black cloths on their faces and were shouting ‘Maro kato(Kill them)!’ Then the mob began firing at us. They also threw bombs and started afire. We all started fleeing. We ran and came to the main road. By night the relief campwas set up. I have been there ever since with my family.