Raj Thackeray

et me be honest upfront. I don’t like Outlook scooping secret entries from my diary and publishing them. Not just that, the translation into English takes away from the original Marathi flavour. But then, what the hell! As my lawyer friend Akhilesh Chaubey says, it is better to be published than be bypassed altogether. Anyway, that apart, my focus today is on M.F. Husain. He is neither a Marathi manoos—though he was born in Pandharpur, Solapur district, Maharashtra—nor is he an Indian anymore. How I disapprove of that man! Why, I’ve even changed my ring tone to ‘Aap Qatar mein hein’ which has made many of my friends who were calling hang up since they thought they are in queue (qatar). “Rajsaab, your phone is always busy,” one of them called up to say. He, like many others, missed the joke. I tell you, we as a nation lack a sense of humour.

Now you may wonder why I hate MF. I must confess it is because I envy him. You know, there was a time when I tried to be Husain (yours truly is not just a politician but also an artist who passed out from the JJ School of Art). And I worked very hard at it—even painting horses barefoot, thinking that would do the trick. But my canvases were dismissed by those pretentious critics as depictions of “mule-like animals”. Actually I had drawn black horses against a white background and thought there would be some symbolism if I exhibited my work at Kala Ghoda outside Jehangir Art Gallery in Mumbai. But the venue did nothing for my standing as an artist. In fact, only one paper covered the event.

Critics are indeed cruel people. But why has Husain’s ugly scribbles got him so many wah-wahs. They even billed him as the Picasso of India—and to think that he once used to paint cinema hoardings! It all makes me wonder, does religion have anything to do with art? And does art have anything to do with religion and the price of potatoes and Maruti cars? These are enduring mysteries that fascinate me. (Tya Kaayam chalat aalelya rahasyancha mala nhemeech aakarshan vatat aalela aahe). Anyway, to cut a long story short, I even tried to emulate Husain by drawing some scantily clad Greek gods and goddesses. But no one took notice, and I wasn’t even banned in Greece...this world can be very unfair.

Anyway, to digress from art I must compliment Mamata Banerjee for her ‘rail’ budget. I understand that she looked up the meaning of rail and discovered it also meant ‘to denounce, protest against or attack somebody in a bitter or harsh manner’. Which is why she shouted down the Opposition with her “chillao mats”. I will, of course, take inspiration from her as and when I become rail mantri. And, true to my spirit, I promise I will ensure that no trains run in Uttar Bharat and that all engine drivers speak Marathi....

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)