Arun Jaitley

What a wonderful day, what a wonderful feeling! Dear Mukeshji, your famous song Woh subha kabhi toh aayegi which I simply loved, finally aah gayi and I want to share this moment with you. I was finally able to call a Supreme Court judge (ok, a retired one) a megalomaniac, vagabond and so on. I am relishing the fact, in fact I think some more colourful language is in order to describe the current Press Council of India chairman which he’s reduced to the Pestilence Council of India (that’s a good one). Fina­lly, I have been able to pin down his honour, Markandey Katju.

God knows, I have waited long enough for this momentous day. Half the time Katju did not know what he was talking about and the other half of the time I did not know or understand what he was talking about. He quoted Milton all the time believing I did not know Milton. Of course, I know him, he’s the man who owns Milton plastics. He quotes Sanskrit shlokas but little does he know that we in the BJP do follow the language of the gods, thanks to our sanyasi brigade. Does Katju even know that as one of the BCCI stalwarts, I was about to introduce a ruling that all Indian cricket players from now on appeal only in Sanskrit! How can I forgive his comments that 90 per cent of Indians were idiots and that too without clarifying that this did not include me or my hero-god, the modern Ram,  Narendrabhai ‘Mr Development’ Modi of Gujarat. For long, I ignored Katju’s ramblings but when he took on Modi and Gujarat, that paradise on earth, something snapped in me and I let go at him! Visit Gujarat, see for yourself, I say. Where are the slums, the dirty netherworlds once occupied by those black beards? Gone, gone, I tell you, and all replaced by Tata Nanos, Mittal Steel, Anil Asbestos, Mukesh Mushrooms and Adani Additives.

As PCI chairman, Katju should keep his mouth shut and not comment on anything. Retired Supreme Court judges should stay retired, unlike us politicians who never retire. What does Katju know about good governance? Isn’t West Bengal under Mamata ‘Poribortan’ Banerjee one of the best-governed states in the country? Katju had no business to attack Didi who, one day, along with Narendrabhai, will take India to the pinnacle of prosperity. 

And now Katju thinks of himself as a leading columnist. What did he think he was doing, writing that anti-Modi piece in The Hindu, which anyway is not known for my kind of objectivity. And why mention Godhra when even Sherlock Holmes would have failed to solve the riddle as to who rampaged Ahmedabad for days together. As part of Modi’s development plan, a new Ahmedabad is coming up. Narendrabhai is as good if not better than that Roman emperor Nero. He fiddled for three days while Gujarat burned.

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com