Happily Ever, After Divorce

Malayalam actor Lissy, 49, now divorced from director Priyadarshan, has a refreshingly easy style on Facebook. Often she greets her friends with a good morning or signs off at night with a photograph of herself. Her posts are fun, simple and straight off the cuff.

So when on May 23 her post read “There has been constant yellow media speculation about the reasons I filed for divorce and whether myself and Mr.Priyadarsan will be getting back together. Clear and straight answer to that is NO and NEVER. The reasons I filed for divorce are very clear to my children (who have been a great support), Honorable courts and Mr. Priyadarsan. Those reasons are absolutely irreversible. Only I know what I went through and for what reasons I had put up with it which I am not prepared to discuss or disclose...” it conveyed to her numerous friends and followers on the social media site that here was a self assured woman, who had made a steadfast decision and there would be no going back.

Never mind the numerous struggles she had faced in her life, her cheerful poses seemed to portray to the world that she was chartering a new territory and this time on her own terms, outside the shadow of her famous husband. At once, support poured in from her online 'friends' who bashed the media and gave their collective approval for her act. The thousands of likes probably bolstered her resolve.

Malcolm Gladwell once wrote in the New Yoker, “Facebook is a tool for efficiently managing your acquaintances.” In Lissy’s case she has managed to do just that and enjoy the results immensely. Additionally, she is no longer just being written about by the annoying yellow media but is scripting her own narrative with characteristic attitude and verve.

Her posts about her preview theatre and dubbing studio: Le Magic Lantern, shows that Lissy is not just sitting in post-divorce solitude after 24 years of marriage. The fact that Rajnikanth’s Kabali was dubbed in her studio shows she has managed to keep her friends in the film industry despite the high profile and nasty divorce proceedings. Interestingly, Lissy who had quit acting at the height of her career in 1994 to settle down to marital life still has many a young follower: one young lad had expressed his desire to marry 'Lissy Aunty' on the social media site.

Meanwhile, actor and costume designer Gautami Tadimalla, 48, who has acted in numerous southern language films, is finding her voice and connecting to the outside world through her blog. Her first post in October titled 'Life Again' narrated her tryst with cancer. It seemed to indicate the nature of things to come. For two weeks later she announced her separation from Tamil actor Kamal Haasan, her partner for 13 years.

This time her blogpost, though filled with the pain of separation showed a capacity for honesty and openness endearing her to her readers: “It is never easy for anyone in a committed relationship to realise that their paths have irreversibly diverged and that the only choices in front of them are to either compromise with their dreams for life or to accept the truth of their solitude and move ahead. It has taken me a very long time, a couple of years at the very least, to accept this heartbreaking truth and come to this decision.”

A month later, on December 8, she had stormed the national consciousness with her open letter to the Prime Minister Narendra Modi. This time around, she was not weighed down by her own personal problems but she was questioning the secrecy of Tamil Nadu chief minister’s hospitalisation and death. This struck a chord with the public for she had the gumption to express what everyone was afraid to speak out loud. She sought help from the PM to find answers: “Why this secrecy and isolation of a beloved public leader and the head of the Tamil Nadu government? What/whose authority restricted access to the late Chief Minister?... And who is responsible for these answers to the people? These and many other burning questions are being asked by the people of Tamil Nadu and I echo their voice in bringing them to your ears, sir.”

The Chikku Bukku Rayile girl, who for a decade had been docilely committed to Kamal Haasan showed she was no pushover. Even as she signs on more films it is likely she will be actively engaged in the public sphere too. Both actors Lissy and Gautami, though middle aged, seem to have found their own space.

This year has seen a spate of celebrity break-ups in Kerala: Amala Paul, Divya Unni are few of the others. While Manju Warrier, 37, came under intense public gaze when her former husband actor Dileep tied the knot with actor Kavya Madhavan. Manju Warrier who has been scaling the heights after her separation from Dileep made a comeback after15years in a woman-centric role in Rosshan Andrrews’ How Old Are you. But as precursor to that, she starred alongside Amitabh Bachchan in the Kalyan Jewellery advertisement. One would say she had bid her time to make a comeback and it was a careful orchestration of her arrival. She proved that even if there are no male heroes in How Old Are You, the film could be well appreciated by the Kerala audience. Kerala had definitely not forgotten this talented actor who left the screen after less than two dozen films for a married life. Says actor Anoop Menon who has acted with her in Pavada andKarinkunnam 6s, “

Once you are an actor you are always an actor and a hiatus is not going to kill that. Actors like Manju do not allow their personal space to invade their professional space. Moreover she has preserved herself so she could take up where she left off. She has the same fire in her as before.” The next film saw her right there with actor Mohanlal in Ennum Eppozhum. In another woman-centric film in 2015, she essayed a role of a woman travelling on her own to the Himalayas in Rani Padmini. In 2016, with Vettah, she takes on the mantle of super cop investigating a case.

Though the film meanders and seems to lose itself, Manju’s tremendous acting skills pulls the film together and she emerges as a hero almost on par with the male superstars of Kerala. Besides her films, she is actively engaged in public life. She is part of the Kerala government’s Haritha Keralam, a green Kerala movement, and is the face of Kerala Can, a cancer awareness program by Manorama news channel where she has generously donated for the treatment of poor women with cancer.

In a state like Kerala, where divorce rates have reached unprecedented heights, as per government records, 47, 525 cases in 2014, it is hardly surprising that there is high incidence of divorce among the celebrities too. On the other hand, as direct fall out of this, warn psychologists, that the acts of these role models may give sanctity to separation and divorce.  Says noted psychiatrist C J John, “Divorce is no longer a taboo and there is perception that divorce is disagreement in a marriage is rampant in Kerala.

Gender equations are changing in the state and women are empowered through education and economic means. The society is in the throes of change and this indicates the cultural undercurrents. The celebrity divorces contribute to the modelling behaviour. The characters that these celebrities represent get imprinted in the mind of the people and when they take to divorce easily then the notion that there is nothing wrong with divorce gets reinforced in the mind of the people. This can complement the decision of those who have disagreements in their marriage. The inhibitions to consider saving a marriage will weaken.” John adds that the high rate of divorces in Kerala indicates that the people have a disability in giving space to their partner. He says this is telling of their upbringing and most of the individuals have become egoistic.

Interestingly, many of the break ups among the celebrities cites ego problems in their marriages, for instance ego problems were reported in the marriages of Divya Unni and Lissy. The problem in Kerala is that love marriages tend to be impulsive while the arranged marriages tend to be an equation of wealth consideration rather than personality compatibility. When Dileep (Manju Warrier’s ex husband) got married to Kavya Madhavan in November, he seemed unsure of what to communicate and it came out all wrong. The two had been denying  gossip for a long time that they were in relationship in order to protect his public image as family oriented actor. His reasoning was strange as if in sympathy for her he was marrying her,“since Kavya was made a scapegoat for the problems in my life, I decided to marry her.” Dileep’s first marriage to Manju Warrier was secretive and quick and if he has not thought out the second one, by what he says, then it is time for a course correction.