Close Encounters

As the stunning election upset was being registered on our television screens with the prospect of aCongress victory imminent, I said to my wife: "Now we will have to accept So and So's dinner invitation."In India’s one-man one-vote society when a new government is sworn-in, a new set of hangers-on is alsosworn-in with them. These are people ostensibly "close to" the new rulers and in the case of the Congressparty the aforesaid closeness refers to just one individual or shall we say one family. Proximity to Sonia,Rahul and Priyanka means you are the new aristocracy and the difficulty is most of them (the hangers-on) havean extremely high social profile. They are forever either being invited to or throwing dinner parties. Till amonth or two ago, you could safely ignore their invitations. But now….

In a sense, the Indian political class has coined a new and (for some) terrifying phrase. "Close to"may at first glance appear simple and innocuous but packs a big punch. The individual thus blessed istransformed overnight from non-entity to entity. In Europe or America you seldom hear of a person beingdescribed as "close to" a president or prime minister. He or she might be a political or social ally, or apolitical or social crony, but the vague sort of closeness so prized domestically is largely absent and neverflouted the way it is in our otherwise robust republic.

It is not entirely clear what harm or good the person "close to" can do if you annoy/please him.Besides, his closeness might be something of a myth or vastly exaggerated. The concerned party, nevertheless,basks serenely in the glow of bestowed eminence and, more crucially, becomes the darling of the chatteringclasses. I have heard many a fierce debate over the alleged "closeness" of a particular individual: Is itreal or fictional? Actually, it does not matter. Recently, India’s premier newsmagazine - no I am notreferring to Outlook - presumably after hours of research, investigation, sleuthing and secret parleys,arrived at a list of people "close to" the Congress (read Sonia). I was not on the list and came close tocommitting suicide!

For connoisseurs of irony there are rich pickings here. Yesterday’s forgotten people become today’smust-know people. The new court as it were. Since I am well-renowned for being fair and impartial, I mustpoint out that those just ejected from power - and what desolate and forlorn figures they make - had their ownpecking order. There were two courts in fact. One sat at 7, Race Course Road and revolved around A.B. Vajpayee,his crafty foster daughter, his cunning son-in-law, and his scheming buddy Brajesh Mishra. The other sat atthe residence of L.K. Advani and was meant strictly for the Advani-loyalists. Admittedly, the old court wasnot as up-market as the one which reigns currently. Refusing dinner invitations from them today is no problem.

Political irony internationally revolves around acquisition or loss of power, but in India it isobsessively so. Power is not only an irresistible aphrodisiac in the world’s largest democracy, it isall-dominating and all-pervading. To some extent, it defines the way we speak and act. A commentator in the USnoted nearly two decades ago that irony died in America the day Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace prize. InIndia, irony has had to live a sheltered existence because those in public life hate irony in any dosage. Itis like a hand grenade; it could blow up in their face.

Pomposity and irony understandably do not make good bed-fellows. Most Indian politicians are so puffed upand self-important that they consider irony and insult to be one and the same thing. I will not bore you withexamples of the vanity and narcissism of our assorted leaders. The case against them in this departmentrequires no reiteration or amplification. Instead, let me embark on the infinitely more difficult exercise ofidentifying the handful of our netas who appreciate and occasionally use irony.

Atal Behari Vajpayee in my book is one rarity. There is no irony in his pursuit of Narendra Modi, there isonly naked self-interest here. However, he is an affable, witty, gregarious old man who likes and frequentlyunleashes a good joke which has traces of irony in it.

Two weeks ago, in Manali, he apologised to school children who insisted on calling him mama (uncle)as he donated a paltry Rs 1,000 for their school. "You must remember your mama has recently lost hisjob," he reminded them.

Laloo Yadav is another with a handy repertoire. His style depends on rustic wit and delivery. (Professionalhumorists will tell you material i.e. jokes, can be bought but knowing how to deliver them is the art. PeterUstinov was the master here.) On his birthday recently, where a humungous cake was cut, Laloo told his hungryfollowers, "Cake, cake, eat, eat, but I don’t know when I was born." (It sounds so much better inHindi.)

Mani Shankar Aiyar has greatly mellowed these days and the cares of office are guaranteed to mellow himeven further, but his favoured weapons are puns and repartee. Arun Jaitley comes up with good ones, howeverwith him you always feel the witticisms are either rehearsed or second-hand. Shatrughan Sinha claimeddisingenuously, "loiterers will be inducted" as an original when three new film stars were joining the BJPon a daily basis. Altogether, as you will notice, there is not much here to boast or write about.

My own contribution to irony is unlikely to fetch me any awards either. Six months ago, I acquired a puppyfound in a ditch and promptly called him Editor because he was stubborn, disobedient, whimsical,inconsistent, all-knowing and generally a pain in the a… I am happy to report that Editor is livingup to his name gloriously.

To savour and survive the impact of irony one has to accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune asan integral and essential part of life. Politicians in our country believe that outrageous fortune can beconquered and contained courtesy rings, tonsuring, havans, parrots, tarot cards and auspicioustiming. This is not fertile ground for irony to grow and flourish. If irony in India has lost its sting theculprits are our politicians.

This piece was commissioned by, and appeared in, The Pioneer, on the occasion of their anniversarycelebrations in a discussion on "the great Indian irony".