All In A Day's Work

Amidst impassioned protests, scary crackdowns and endless debates and updates over the Delhi gang rape victim, earlier this week the Prime Minister’s Office received a letter about the same issue. Not from any NGO or party but from a father. Father of Keenan Santos, a 23-year-old boy who was brutally killed last year when he and his friend Reuben took on some goons harassing a girl in their neighbourhood.

On Christmas day the family, residing in the buzzing neighbourhood of Amboli in Andheri, prayed for the girl in Delhi. Valerian Santos, who wrote the letter, is angry and hurt. “I feel for this girl from my heart. Perhaps more than my son... I was crying for her,” said Santos. “Every night after prayers, my wife and I look at the empty bed where Keenan used to sleep. What did he lose his life for? “ He demanded stricter laws and said, “These buggers cannot be rehabilitated. These are perverts. They are forgiven and then they repeat the crimes. Give a harsh punishment to these fellows; castrate them, hang them.”

Most women (who spoke to Outlook) have been through several episodes of molestation and sexual harassment at various levels since childhood. And almost none have complained formally. Most of them also do not fight or raise an alarm in public. They are all around — they work as domestic workers, executives, sales persons, doctors, dancers, engineers, students, homemakers and so on.

One moves on— every day, every hour— brushing aside the middle aged lout who gropes in a train or a platform, the hand mysteriously touches your breasts, pinches your hip in a bus, the stranger’s body that desperately rubs on you for a split second and before you can react, it’s gone, the strange whispers of “aati hai kya,” “rate kya hai,” all the men staring at various body parts at a traffic signal, and so it continues.

Ask Kausar (name changed on request) who was molested in a local train several years ago by a group of men. The ordeal ended only when she managed to get off the train and there was no formal case. She echoes the same sentiment of Santos as regards punishment. However, she is sceptical of public outcry. “Personally, I feel, all this outrage and mass movement is a bit late in the day. And perhaps it won’t lead to anything concrete. As brutal as this particular case is, it's not the first and not the most horrific. I also don't understand the call for “these” rapists to be hanged to death, because "this" case is the harshest of harsh rapes. Somehow letting other rapists go scot-free reeks of judging other rapes as lesser crimes.”

Those who have suffered personal losses may be sceptical and emotional but experts too agree that rising cases of violence against women is an indication of a society that has perhaps changed for worse. Sociologist Nandini Sardesai says, “We are living in two different worlds where men are still living in a conservative, patriarchal, repressed set- up at home and are wrongly interpreting modernity outside of it. It is a sad reflection of our society and I call it social pathology because a whole generation of sociopaths is being created. They have completely warped ideas about modern and do not understand concepts such as women's liberation. Social values— by that I don't mean morality— but values such as sensitivity and compassion are being replaced by abrasive animal instinct.”

The possible reasons may be as tough a challenge as shaking of thousands of years of objectifying women in a fiercely patriarchal society such as ours. “All these incidents are clear cases of backlash violence,” said Vibhuti Patel, from SNDT women’s university and a senior women’s rights activist. “Girls are excelling in all fields. In poverty groups, there is high incidence of male unemployment because women are preferred for most jobs. However, at home, the same women are in a continuous state of humiliation. Chivalry was also a form of patriarchy but over the years it has been replaced by hostility.” She said accepting the violence as a social problem, not talking in a hushed tone on the subject and addressing men is the need of the hour.

One of the rare efforts is of Harish Sadani, founder of Men Against Violence and Abuse. ‘Easier said than done’, has been his experience. “We are dealing with 5000 years of patriarchy over here. Tokenism does not work. We need to sensitise men but we need to talk to them as men, in their language. Unfortunately, there is a dearth of male facilitators or even funders for such programmes. To liberate women, it is equally important to 'liberate' men from shackles of patriarchy, which disadvantages men too. At a preventive level, it calls for providing non-threatening platforms for young men to deconstruct, reconstruct and redefine masculinity.”

However, while men may take their own sweet time to redefine masculinity, what happens to women, who are out there? The city of Mumbai, known for its safe and friendly environment, has taken a serious beating with crimes such as passion crimes — acid attacks, stalking, rapes and murders — are being reported apart from the so-called minor harassment cases that are piling up by the hour. The recent incidents of a murder of a girl by building watchman and rape of a Spanish girl by a seasoned thief has stayed in the minds of young women working late hours and living far away from their families. “I think about how I travel and inform friends if am travelling late. If I finish late in south Mumbai I try to stay back at friend’s place,” said Shreya (name changed), a dance instructor who was stalked by a young boy working at a tea stall until the police was called and the case investigated. “We have stopped calling for home deliveries from grocery store, laundry and order food rarely. I don’t open the door for anybody after a certain time at night. I don’t want people to know that two girls are living by themselves.”

Of course, it still remains one of the better places compared to smaller cities such as Kochi, Jamshedpur or Nainital, said girls who belong to these cities and are in Mumbai for work or education. “I have more freedom in terms of travelling alone, wearing what I want but then again, men are men so I don’t want to push it. I have been followed sometimes by men on bikes. I don’t travel alone anymore beyond a certain time,” says Aarti Sinha, a music therapist. “No point being all feminist! It’s a fact that men are physically stronger than us and we're just fooling ourselves if we think we can stand up against them. So I’m realistic and realise that it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

Women also pointed that in most cases one has to just move on. “The onus is on us to be safe. I am careful at public places. You can’t do anything if someone pinches or gropes and disappears in the crowd,” said Aarathi Menon a PR professional. “We have accepted these incidents as part of our lives. It is only if you are having a real bad day and if there are enough people around you that you actually scream and shout at a pervert. What can you really do? You can’t really pull out a pepper spray as hundreds of people are rushing towards a train and spray?”

True that. Where activists have to pressurise the police to file FIRs in molestation cases, the accused gets bail in no time and dismal conviction rates and where good men like Keenan, Reuben or Santosh are killed, the onus of safety is perhaps on women themselves. A girl may carry an extra shawl or a jacket to cover herself, folders to shield her chest, try to elbow people in a crowd. She may spend hours and hundreds on a cab instead of taking public transport. And it is tiring. To be on guard, to be alert, to keep a friend/family member informed of your movements. It takes away the joy of partying, of being out and adds enormously to the stress of late working hours and living alone.

“Better safe than sorry” seems to be the motto/mantra as modern Indian woman deals with stereotypes at home, at work, on the road and in police stations. And for that the government and the society should be sorry.