Sports

Sania Mirza

I’ve learnt that RAW is drawing up a counter-offensive (Operation Pyaar-War) in which Indian cricketers will marry beautiful Pakistani women

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Sania Mirza
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You could well say it was love at first serve. In January, after Pakistan lost the third Test at Hobart to Australia, I went to console Shoaib. He had taken it quite philosophically, saying victory and defeat were all part of the game. I knew exactly what he meant since I too had just crashed out of the Hobart Open. To cut a long story short, one thing led to the other and then he threw me a cricket ball and asked me to serve and he returned using a cricket bat. Instantly we discovered that we had chanced upon a new game—‘Tencrick’. We also realised that we were made for each other. “We’ve married the two games. Now let’s tie the knot,” Shoaib later called to say (transcripts of this conversation were handed over by the Australian authorities to the IB, which submitted a report on the ties worn by Shoaib to the home ministry!). That aside, I accepted his proposal and later we went for a meal at the Smolt Restaurant off Salamanca Square...only to discover that they served neither biriyani nor paav bhaji. So we settled for steak and Shoaib wolfed down the food and, in between bites, said he would phone later to fix the date of the shaadi.

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To be frank, I was taken aback by this. I told him it was one thing  proposing on the cell. But did he intend to fix the date and also marry me over the phone like he did with Ayesha Siddiqui—the girl from Hyderabad whom he later ditched? Shoaib was quick to say that this time it was “real pyaar” and that there would be no question of any phony date or nikaah. In fact, he got back a few days later and said in one breath, “April is the cruellest monthn so let’s get married on the 15th day.” (He later revealed he framed the line after he Google-searched the word ‘April’ and found a poem by some Eliot and promptly adapted it). I was okay with April but I wanted to be sure if Shoaib was really serious. “I hope you don’t have love, sex and dhokha on your mind,” I asked pointedly. He professed complete love and gave me an autographed bat and ball as a token of his commitment. Incidentally, that was also the day I told dad to break off my earlier engagement with Sohrab Mirza. “What’s the point of getting married when I don’t even get a new surname?” I pointed out. Dad understood.

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So, what about post-shaadi plans? Well, settle in Dubai and promote Tencrick. Sheikh Bukhatir (who has done so much for cricket) is interested. And, yes, I have already placed the order for sturdy steel racquets which can handle cricket balls. Meanwhile, I’ve learnt that RAW is drawing up a counter-offensive (Operation Pyaar-War) in which Indian cricketers will marry beautiful Pakistani women. The intelligence agency is convinced that my proposed marriage is part of an ISI plot. It obviously doesn’t know of our plans to start a new racket.

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)

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