February 20, 2020
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Rajnath Singh

Yes, I really did say I did not know what was meant by the phrase ‘love jehad’...

Rajnath Singh
Illustration by Saahil
Rajnath Singh

This being a secret diary, it can take in both good and bad jottings. Now some home truths. Yes, I really did say I did not know what was meant by the phrase ‘love jehad’. You know, the problem with India is most people invent words and phrases which they use freely without ever understanding what these really mean. Love jehad is both English and Hindi, one is okay but not the other. But the combined love jehad? I thought of asking our HRD mantriji Smriti behen but my babus asked me to drop the idea and instead suggested Nirmalaji. She was initially  puzzled. I confessed to her that I thought love jehad was the title of a new Karan Johar film, his usual Hindu-Muslim bhai-bhai theme with Shahrukh singing, dancing and hamming.

Yes, I and Nirmalaji talked over the issue, but she rattled along like a machine gun (one of my babus compared her to a female Harsha Bhogle) and I missed out on a lot. She did say something about love jehad being some sort of oxy...oxy...oxygen...no, no, oxymoron. Yes, that’s it, oxymoron. But what is an oxymoron? I vaguely remember that glib phoney Englishman Shashi Tharoor referring to our party members as morons. If so, why should she make use of his words to explain love jehad? The home ministry held six meetings, yet could not make out anything on the issue and decided to appoint a high-level committee under the chairmanship of a retired Supreme Court judge. He would be from the cow belt and the entire proceedings would be in shuddh Hindi.

That was one issue solved. Our NaMo sarkar completed 100 days of brilliant governance, Modiji conquered not only India but also the small world and the big world. With his birthday approaching on September 17, we shall play host to the prime minister hosting the Chinese President Xi Jinping at a most exclusive, expensive banquet on the banks of Sabarmati. After consultation with the home ministry, Modiji decided to shift the function from Delhi because his birthplace was greater than any capital. Initially, the banquet was planned to be so exclusive that only Modiji and Xiji would be present. Now this number has been raised to five each, invitations are top secret. The job of interaction is easy for both leaders since Gujarat had abolished English along with liquor years back. We are prepared for anything, including a couple of songs on love jehad. Look, I have to leave now. Sushmaji is standing in the queue trying for a pass to the banquet, I don’t think she’s going to get one.

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 [AT] gmail [DOT] com

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