Society

Now, Virtual Parenting

In Blighty, the lack of good partners isn’t bothering our women

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Now, Virtual Parenting
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Shaheena jolted her orthodox Muslim family when she told them she’s pregnant. No mistake here. She’d wanted a child, but never found husband enough. An inseminating weekend in pretty Devon with a Parsi visitor from Mumbai did it. She’d given up looking for the right man with an eye on the calendar. She wasn’t going to give up on having a child.

Shaheena isn’t the only one. It’s not quite common for Indian women to take on baby-specific boyfriends but it’s no longer unheard of either. Men, it seems, are not lovers and husbands any more; but they have their uses as implanters who might engage in occasional fathering some day. The world around has gotten too full of unsuitable boys.

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The problem is hardly unique to British-Indian women. But several circumstances have conspired to make it possibly worse than for Indian women anywhere else. Explains Jagdish Bhatia, who spent years trying to make marriages happen, with increasing difficulty: "One thing is that many boys here want to marry girls from India because they find that girls here are too fast and modern. Sometimes, they don’t realise that girls from India are also fast."

And then Britain has something to do with it. Many young professionals leave Britain in search of more opportunities. And then, many more Indian males are beginning to marry non-Indian women, at least partly to beat expectations from families. The result is statistically depressing for single Indian women, though on the third count many more have begun to go out now with non-Indian males.

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Bhatia is losing hope with every summer. It’s getting hard to balance the genders on the boat parties he organises through the summers to mate Indian with Indian. Krishan Hindocha, a veteran of ‘saathi sammelans’ held every few weeks for couple creation, is finding his male list getting shorter in proportion to the female list. "There are many good girls," he says. "But there are not many good boys." So with the matrimonial agencies.

There are still enough men about, of course. The trouble is finding the right man. The New Age man is notable for his rarity. And in northwest London where Indians abound, there are signs all round that men are getting off women, through divorce or otherwise. Just a look inside those scores of Indian clubs that have sprung up all around says all. Panthers, the Piano Bar, Seventh Heaven, Malibu, Regency... One after another is full of Indian men. They don’t come with women and don’t seem particularly to go for women either. They feel like clubs for the retired hurt, for a species in bitter retreat. That searching keenness seems to be fading from the male eye. These aren’t guys, they’re fallen guys.

An occasional women-only group graces these clubs once in a way. "Who needs a man to go out with?" asks Roopa Mistry out to Club 182 with her friends. "They are hopeless anyway." But the other half is not so easily dismissed. Too often at this club and at others like Celebrations, the women come to be rescued from a state of unending un-happening. Calling all straight men. Sorry, no one’s listening. Female, thirties and single. Repeated rituals of looking good are becoming a wasted paint job. That’s another loss to carry. Beauty lies unbeheld. Trouble for a man, tragic for the woman.

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