National

Narendra Modi

Suffice it to say I don’t hanker after prime ministership. As one of my angrezi-speaking advisors put it: “Narendrabhai, it’s better to reign in hell (Gandhinagar) than to serve in heaven (Delhi).”

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Narendra Modi
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For some time now, political pundits have been speculating on matters like why I kept away from the BJP national executive and why I wasn’t present at the flag-off of Advaniji’s yatra in Bihar. The stories going round was that I am upset with the RSS-backed Sunil Joshi being co-incharge of the UP elections and that other second-rung leaders dislike my posturing as the BJP’s prime ministerial candidate in 2014. There has also been some talk about my arrogant behaviour. I will not go into that bit though. Suffice it to say I don’t hanker after prime ministership. As one of my angrezi-speaking advisors put it: “Narendrabhai, it’s better to reign in hell (Gandhinagar) than to serve in heaven (Delhi).” I understand he was twisting a line from the great poet John Milton. Incidentally, the only Milton I knew of till then was the label that makes vacuum flasks.

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That apart, why didn’t I show up at the national executive? Well, I had two surprise visitors—Hollywood comic actor Jim Carrey and director/producer Chuck Russell. In fact, they were in Gujarat for my sadbhavana mission in September when I fasted for three days for communal harmony. Interestingly, Jim and Chuck did come up on stage disguised in burkhas but the national media failed to spot them. Of course, Jim had earlier reassured me: “Mr CMji,” he said, “I may be known for my overacting but I will play low key and Chuck here will not do his ‘Lights, sound, action!’ routine.” I thanked the two profusely.

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Anyway, the sadbhavana mission over, the duo explained their mission. They were keen for me to star in their next production, ‘The Indian Mask’. “This is a film where the hero and the villain are played by the same actor and that is you Mr CMji. Two separate masks distinguish the two roles,” said Chuck. “Masks!” I exclaimed, “I will get you the best ones going.” With that, I speed-dialled Manish Bardia of Moving Pixels Company, the man who made those famous Modi masks for the 2007 elections. “Manish,” I instructed , “quickly make two masks—one of an angry me and the other of a smiling me.” That done, we went back to the movie. “What is Jim’s role?” I wondered. “Well, he will be both the villain’s and hero’s driver although in some sequences he plays the steering wheel and a giant animated dhokla.” Then, perhaps to keep me interested, he added, “We are still not clear about the story but we have worked out the exciting bits—car chases, songs and a raunchy dandiya dance.” I was told the entire film will be shot in Gujarat. “We first thought of Colorado but then there is the problem of getting you a US visa,” chipped in Jim. I let that pass. “And who will be the supporting cast?” I inquired. “Well, we can include Gadkari, Jaitley, Advani... “ I stopped Chuck in his tracks. “I’d rather go it alone,” I said. But the good news is this: if Modi can’t go to Hollywood, then Hollywood comes to him....

(As imagined by Ajith Pillai)

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