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Monday, Dec 06, 2021
Outlook.com
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Moving To Gorakhpur With All Guns Blazing

The future is here and the zippies are nowhere. A Republic Day speech to get them crying.

Moving To Gorakhpur With All Guns Blazing
Moving To Gorakhpur With All Guns Blazing
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+05:53

Here are the four major changes that are eventual, and if you are even remotely sensible, you will split the country—like NOW. Migrate to Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Iraq, Afghanistan, wherever. And if you aren't able to google into a benevolent nation that'll take you in, arm yourself today, so you are better prepared to deal with a macabre tomorrow.

One, corruption will become the order of the day in the rank and file of our army, navy and the air force. The various jawans defending our porous borders, fed on a daily diet of juicy stories creeping in from mera Bharat mahaan—corruption in the government, in the judiciary, in education, in the police, in the railways, in the roadways, in the municipalities, in the hospitals, in the brothels, in the graveyards—will lose whatever little faith they have in the 'motherland', and will demand a pound of flesh for their own selves. And who could blame them? What's the sense in fighting for a nation that's sold its soul? As a result, secret military documents will be, for a small price, leaked to the enemy. Terrorists will be smuggled into the nation in exchange for a few hundred bucks. Women will be randomly picked up from the cities and villages, and merrily raped by the soldiers to soundtracks that have been scored by Nadeem Shravan (the last, minus the soundtrack, is already happening in the lush green lawns of the Buddha Jayanti Park). Confidential files shall be handed over to foreign mercenaries for a night with a prostitute/aspiring Bollywood actress (Tehelka to note: this is no longer a scoop.) So, pal, forget the ppf and gratuity and other such gratuitous investments. Start collecting those assorted weapons. Machine guns, grenades, rocket launchers, spears, knives, paper cutters. Whatever you can lay your hands on, starting today. For, come tomorrow, each 'gentle' man is for his own.

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