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God

Imagine this so-called godman being made to undergo a potency test. Ultimate insult to me

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God
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Looking after the Universe is no joke. Which is why I keep  180-plus secret diaries, one for each nation on earth. They have to be secret because most of the diary entries are unpalatable, unnerving and unmentionable. Sorry to start this diary page with a denial. Ha, I don’t want to sound like a politician but I strongly deny ever wanting Narendra Modi to lead India. This was quoted by someone called Ashok Singhal in a media interview (“Even God wants him to lead”). I don’t like this recent trend of dragging in people, and hinting they wanted this thing or that. As the constitutional head of the universe, I cannot break the law of refraining from comments on the internal affairs of other regions, including Earth. I che­cked with my fellow gods and goddesses and other Heaven residents, but not one among them said they wanted Modi to lead. But Lord Yama told me in confidence he was studying the issue and would not mind this Modi bloke leading his region.

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Look, frankly I’m disgusted at this increasing tendency on Earth to drag my name into all their petty controversies, ‘God wants this, God will bless this, We are doing this for God’ and so on. These views are by people who know nothing about me and don’t care about me. They created  havoc on the Ram mandir issue. I want temples, but in the hearts of people and not on some controversial plot of land. These blokes made statements about me which are libellous. I phoned my son Ram, he was quite upset at this Singhal bloke’s outrageous view, “Ram ki mahashakti hai Modi.” He confessed that such a view made him weak and minus his usual shakti. Ram just wanted to be left alone, the earth people had done enough to besmirch his name.

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I was referring to some of the back pages on my India Secret Diary. Distressing! Where are the Gandhis, the Vivekanandas, the Jawaharlals and Mother Teresas? In their place, we have these Singhals, Togadias, Modis, one of them harping on the issue of development and developing a nation after it had been destroyed. But what really upset me was the linking of my name to a number of so-called godmen. One of them is in deep trouble. Imagine this  so-called godman being made to undergo a potency test. Ultimate insult to me. In my days, genuine rishis were potent enough to procreate at the slig­htest provocation like the appearance of an apsara in front of them!

A warning to the likes of Singhal and Asaram. I have had enough of yatras and disturbing of innocent people. On any future yatra day, I may ask my colleague Varuna to open up the sky and create a deluge on the yatra routes. Drenched to the skin, the fake godmen and their chamchas will catch pneumonia and achooo!

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com

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