02 June 2014 National The Secret Diary of

Amit Shah

He Ayodhya na Ramji, at last thodu aaram maliyu
Amit Shah
Illustration by Sorit
Amit Shah

He Ayodhya na Ramji, at last thodu aaram maliyu (O Lord Ramji of Ayodhya, thank you for some much-needed rest). I can relax now, watch my favourite horror movies and plan some snooping on those Gujarati chokriyon. I did not enjoy my UP stint—’Man Friday’, ‘right-hand man’, ‘hatchet man’, what all were they calling me. Also the quality of aam ras was poor and they have hardly any variety in the ‘snakes’ section. But worthwhile it is serving the cause of NaMo, with whom I shall rule India. Ave pan bahu kaam pending che (There is still much work to do). These groups of tear-jerkers, wishy-washy liberals and pseudo-secularists, they were distributing information discrediting Gujarat. The Hindu (what a name for an anti-Hindu rag) had articles attacking our achievements, saying they were hardly ‘model’. I could not understand most of their arguments which pushed us down to No. 9 in the development listings. Now we are in power, we shall discover the causes for all this jealousy and dislike over our progress and progressive thinking. Wikipedia points out that 9, a divine number, was revered in Hinduism. Further, the Chi­n­ese associated nine with the Dra­gon, a symbol of power and magic and at least here, we agreed with The Hindu.

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Once I am rested, I’ll get back...a lot of work remains to be done. I have to rearrange and pack carefully all the ‘clean chits’ given in the many cases against me. Also, when I get back I’ll have to sing a different tune, woo the Mamatas, Jayas and Mayas so they finally come aro­­und. That is the beauty of NaMo’s politics. NaMo is quite adept in handing special status to some, a promise to liberate Sri Lanka to Jayaben who will be free to build her own statue there, the entire Teesta waters to Mamataben while huge quantities of best quality imp­orted cement to Mayaben to build more jumbo-sized jumbo statues. These leaders will soon follow NaMo like Maryben’s little lambs!

Goodwill gestures can win over every other political opponent, even the shehzade and his mother. My speechwriters are compiling a new collection of all my choice abuses of the Gandhi family and I shall present them in deluxe editions to Soniaben with a suggestion that she should hold the next meeting of the Congress workers at the Roman Coliseum. We shall buy the same from the Italian government and present it to the family. Now we are in power, we shall have no enemies and when Prince Harry of England gets married our official representatives will be Priyankaji and Robert Vadra. That will be the ultimate reconciliation gesture.

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 [AT] gmail [DOT] com

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