Heads up. Am feeling pretty grumpy this morning.
And it's all the fault of Sonia Gandhi.
What is with all this OTT spilling-blood-for-Mother-India rhetoric that she's spouting at the moment?
As I sit here, trying to work out how I can pay my wretched income taxes for Mother India, it's pretty galling to find oneself completely trumped. No pun intended.
"I will die in India and my ashes will be immersed in India", thundered Sonia Gandhi yesterday.
Oh for crying out loud, woman, I will also die in India, and my ashes will also be immersed here. So you really do not have the monopoly on that particular bit of emotional rhetoric.
Well, yes, OK, I suppose I could die of a heart attack whilst I'm on holiday overseas, meaning that I wouldn't technically die in India, but you take my point. Also, I think I'm going to be buried rather than cremated, but that's neither here nor there.
Point is, Mrs Gandhi, we are both more than likely to die here. Fact of life. Which probably sounds like a mixed metaphor, but you all know what I mean. If you're married to an Indian, and you live here, odds are you're going to die here. So scale down the drama, please.
Of course, Sonia Gandhi trumps me — again — on two counts in her impassioned speech yesterday.
Her husband was assassinated, and I'm very sorry for her loss.
And her mother is still alive. "I have family in Italy I am not ashamed of. I have a 93-year-old mother I am not ashamed of…I was born to proud and honest parents, I will never be ashamed of them."
My mother just died, but I was every bit as proud of her and my late father and my huge Anglo-Irish family as Sonia Gandhi is of her Italian connection. Not ashamed at all. Dunno why she feels compelled to tell us that she's not ashamed of them.
I know, I know — all the hinting that martyrdom and sacrifice and mingling blood and soil are part of one's DNA — I know it's all done for political effect, but all the same, you can't help wondering. Would we have been treated to this bit of emotion had there not been a certain helicopter scandal hovering on the political horizon?