Yesterday, Pakistani columnist Nadeem Farooq Paracha wrote a satirical column about the Malala conspiracy theories in Pakistan. It was so over the top that many people objected that it was not really funny as it should have been more subtle and deadpan.
Well, they understimated the power of America-hatred.
People on social media wrote tweets about this “revelation” published in Dawn News. OK, that’s just social media. There is no shortage of morons in the world, etc etc. But then Iran’s somewhat sophisticated propaganda site PRESS TV took the bait, with hilarious results.
The original link now takes you to some generic Press TV page. The Iranians were stupid, but not THAT stupid. They took it down. Luckily, we have a screenshot.
If you cannot read Urdu: this basically says that:
The Dawn News has made sensational revelations about Malala: It turns out she is actually a Polish girl, given to her so-called parents by foreign missionaries, her real name is Jane and so on…the guy in the spider man costume is labelled “Pakistani secret agencies officer in disguise reveals details”.
I kid you not.
PS: it gets better and better. The guy who wrote the “news item” for PRESS TV is a pakistani journalist from Lahore who edits The Lahore Times (billed as “a voice of unheards).
PPS: someone asked me on twitter if I expected any better from Iranian TV? I have to say I did. An ancient civilization with a sophisticated literate culture. Even the Arab conquest could not kill off their genius. But it has left its mark.
I have to post Mirza Ghalib’s lament on the fall of ancient Persia to the Arabs (translation later, I have to run):
Sokht aatish kada z aatish nafsam bakhseedand
Rekht butkhana Z naqoos faghanum daadand
Her che dar jizya z Gibran mee nab avardand
Ba shab e juma mah e ramzan-um daadand
Her che az dast gah e Pars ba yaghma bardand
Ta ba-nalam, hum azaan jumla zubanam daadand
Among other things, to embellish the satire, the Dawn News also published the Nadeem F. Paracha column with what was claimed to be a photograph of "Dr. Khanzai’s DNA extraction kit'
The over-the-top colum went on to claim, inter alia:
When our reporters asked the doctor why he was revealing Malala’s real identity now, he said he was convinced that Malala was planted in Swat by anti-Pakistan elements.
He then added that he can also prove that the young man who shot her was not a Pushtun either. “I have his earwax as well,’ he claimed.
After extracting the DNA of the shooter’s earwax, the doctor discovered that he was probably from Italy. He then invited our reporters to look at the man’s earwax under a microscope.
“Those tiny yellow bits that you see in the wax are bits of pizza,” he explained.
The doctor told us that in January 2012 he emailed his findings to some senior members of Pakistan’s intelligence agency, the ISI.
After a few days his clinic was raided by the police. He was in Saudi Arabia at the time collecting earwax samples of some members of the Saudi royal family. His staff at the clinic was harassed by the police who wanted to know where he kept the earwax samples.
Read the full Nadeem F. Paracha column at the Dawn: Malala: The real story (with evidence)